Well, today was supposed to be my last day out in the middle of nowhere. This would have been a nice deep post, but since my flight has been delayed, I'll just settle for telling the events of today. Most of the day went off without a hitch. Not bad. Everything was smooth as silk, until dinner. Right before dinner, I was jumped by a group of guys who were giving me a going away party. How many people you ask:

This many. Yeah, when I was suddenly taken down, I didn't realize just how many people I was up against. I really didn't stand a chance. 

For the first minute of the video, you can't even see me, aside from my feet, and my hands, as they were being zip tied:

At some point, Manni pushes her way through to get a glimpse of my face:

A pair of underwear has made it's way onto my head during the struggle. Not mine, however, since I don't wear any.

This picture is only there because someone took the time to point out how nice my arms look:

After a bit of struggling and fun, they brought out the 100 MPH tape. Oh, and I'm wearing shorts by the way:

When these guys got to work, then worked with the speed of a spider. That's the first time we see the tape in the video, and a few seconds later, you get the image on the left. At that point, they've done my upper legs ad upper arms. For those of you that don't know, 100 MPH tape as an 80 lb/wrap tensile strength. This means that if you go around once, it takes 80 lbs to break, 160 lbs after 2 wraps, and so forth. The were smart in that they worked from my thighs down, and from my shoulders down. If they had tried the other way, I probably would have broken the first wrap:

Since I was still struggling, and they saw my hands try to claw away at the tape at my legs, the decided to tape my hands to my thighs. I decided to try and stop this:

  
  

After 20 seconds of failure, someone got the idea to put me on the floor to get more leverage.  When this happened, I thought that about 8 people had all pushed down on my hands at the same time.  Nope, it was just one guy, and his knee:
    

And here's the finished result:
 

Afterwards, they took me outside and doused me with ice water:
  
 
I was cold for the next two hours after they unwrapped me.

Afterwards, they took fun photos:

Lindholm is my S-4 NCO.  Awesome guy.  It wasn't until I saw the video that I realized how much of a part he played in it. Hell, he supplied the tape.  He was also the main voice that was yelling out ideas, such as tape his hands down.

I will still say that I am sad to leave this place, however, this event did make me happy.  Those of you who have never been part of a large group don't realize that things like this builds some type of a bond between all the participants, the attackers and the victim.  It's good to know that they care enough about you to mess with you in a manner that does not cause permanent physical or mental damage.  Those of you who know me may get to see the video of this one day.

Black 6, out.

Well, if I hit every point properly, I should be back in Italy in a little over a week.  I'm glad that it's such a short mount of time for traveling, and yet, I'm not "glad".  Part of this can probably be blamed on stockholm syndrome, since I seem to have no thoughts against living in Texas.  Yes, the brainwashing is complete.  I'm more attached to the people here, but that's a story for a later entry.

In the meantime, my sudden leaving has prompted me to begin buying stuff that I will need when I get back to Italy.  For the past 9 months, I've been wearing sneakers by Salomon, and it's time for a new pair.  Actually, I bought 2 new pairs: the Salomon XA Pro 3D XCR Trail-Running Shoes (Autobahn color) and the Salomon XA Pro 3D Trail-Running Shoes  (Pewter color).  I find the design is really good, they're really stable, and what's not to like about speed laces.  I haven't had to stop to retie my laces in months.

I also need to make a list of things that I need to do when I get back.  Notice the word "need".  That means that "wine tasting" will not be on this initial list.  Instead, it will include such wonderful tasks like "restart car insurance", "get car and put air in the tires", "get a cell phone", and "buy food".  I will also need to purchase things that I want/need but didn't get before the deployment such as a home phone, television, internet access, a microwave, toaster, and a sewing machine.

This week's entries are brought to you by:
 
People, you see all the stuff I need to buy.  Buy one.  Actually, just send me the money.
**Edit: Changed the original pic**

Black 6, out.

Remember how I talked about my unit pretty much forgetting me?  Well, this morning I received an email from an NCO in the unit telling me that I need to get to Kandahar ASAP, and that I've missed movement for the main body.  Now, that's a surprise to me, since I wasn't supposed to move with the main body, And I've repeatedly brought up the issue of me not being manifested to leave this country.  Apparently, this was forgotten.  My guess is that something like this happened near an airplane somewhere:

Person taking roll:  "Alright, it's time to get on the plane.  Let's make sure everyone is here... [list of names]... Pat S.?"

[Silence]
[Silence]
[Cough]
[Silence]

Minds of my chain of command and S-1:  "There's got to be a good reason for this.  Hmmm.  When was the last time we saw him.  Oh, that's right.  He was saying something about not being manifested to leave Afghani.....  Oh shit!!!"

Most important in that statement are the words "missed movement".  Use of that terminology creates implications that can cause trouble for me, because "missing a movement" is a punishable offense.  Needless to say, I've written a lengthy sworn statement, telling the entire story of how I was assigned to my current position, dates I contacted my commander, and the repeated (mis)information that I have received.  For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it's called CYA (Cover Your Ass). 

On a related not, I'm somewhat down about leaving this place.  If you've even seen the "Shawshank Redemption", it is similar to that old guy that had spent most of his life in prison and was then paroled.  However, I'm not sure if the threat of holding a knife to my roommate's throat would work well to keep me here.  It didn't work for him when he did it in the movie.  What's worse is that I've pretty much accepted the fact that I was stuck here, so I entirely entered the mind set of never leaving.  To have that idea changed in less than a week is a crushing blow to the psyche. 

For those of you that are now highly depressed, I can only offer you one thing to cheer you up.  If you can view this and not laugh, I applaud your abilities, because I keep a folded print out of it to use as a bookmark, and it always makes me giggle:

I don't really have any words.

Black 6, out.

Before I get started, tomorrow (01 Mar 06) is Manni's b-day. 

I just finished reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven.  It's a really well written story, and it was short enough to read in one day.  Right now I'm trying to knock out as many books as I can, so I won't feel like bringing them over/ordering them was a waste of time.  Today, I tried to read C.S Lewis's The Problem of Pain.  Maybe it's because it was written in the1940's or something, but I just can't read it.  I can move my eyes from let to right, top to bottom, turning the page when I get to the end, but I can't actually take in what he's saying.  This man loved the run on sentence.  He apparently also likes to use a lot of commas in one place, and then totally omit them somewhere else.  It kills me, because it's a book that I could tear through in two days, IF I could read it. 

Realizing that I was going insane, I quickly switched over to another book, The Content of Our Character: A New Vision of Race in America by Shelby Steele.  I should be a third of the way through it by the end of tonight.  Before grabbing it, I eyeballed Stephen Pressfield's Tides of War, the sequel to Gates of Fire, but it's one of those thicker ones that I will get to once the thin ones are gone.  Think of it as measuring my accomplishments in the number of books read, and not how much bigger my arms get while I read them.

Oh, so on a more real note, I went running today.  First time in 4 months or so.  I mean, I run everywhere I go, but where I'm going is never 3+ miles away.  More like 100m dashes.  Anyway, this NCO asks me if I want to go run with him.  At first, I was reluctant, because it had been a while.  Then I thought about it, and realized that I had to start somewhere.  I was still reluctant until he said, "I thought that was a Ranger Tab on your shoulder."

It's was on.

So what if it had been a couple of months?  So what if I had worked the legs last night?  Pride was at stake (he's not tabbed).  Unfortunately, this guy likes to run 9 miles on some days, and has been doing this regularly.  I have not.

Holy crap did it hurt.  I mean, part of it is psychological.  I had no idea what route we were taking.  Every hill was a painful surprise.  Second of all, I was not ready for it.  At all. 

4 and a half miles later, after 37 minutes of running, we were done.  I felt a type of pain I hadn't felt in over a year, when I first started running after Ranger School.  At least I know it will stop after about 3 or 4 more runs, when I get my legs back into it.  Meanwhile, he told me that the other guys he ran with were running it in around 43 minutes.  At least my ego could salvage SOMETHING.

Black 6, out.

An aboriginal elder was visited by his grandson, who was seething with rage against someone who had wronged him.

“I’m quite familiar with the way you ’re feeling,” the grandfather said. “It is as if an ongoing battle is taking place inside of me, a fight between two wolves. One wolf is filled with hateful, unforgiving feelings – anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, false pride, judgment, suspicion, blamefulness, and such. The other wolf knows only the goodness of forgiving feelings – joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, trust, compassion, faith, and the like.”

The grandson thought about this for a moment, then asked, "Which wolf is winning?"

His grandfather replied, “Whichever one I feed."

I prefer to feed the second wolf.  Even better is teaching others how to feed it.  I actually starved it for a while.  More a product of my environments from time to time.  Therefore, the new goal is to not be reactive to my environment, but to shape it in my own image.  To control it with an iron fist, and remain unfazed by those that I will have to crush and step over to make it be.

Well, another week, another entry.  Still no sight of the end of this tour.  It's weird, because I make plans and have ideas for when I go back, and at the same time, I think of the fact that I will be here longer, and longer.  Thoughts like "I need to go to that Italian appliance store and purchase a toaster" are followed by, "I wonder how long it is before brigade notices that I'm not there."

In the meantime, this weeks entries are brought to you by:

Trample the weak, hurdle the dead,
Black 6, out.

Two days working with Mortuary Affairs at Kandahar.  I must say, their job is very thorough, and the guys that I worked with were excellent.  I also learned exactly what it was that I was originally supposed to do.  Let's just say that 95% of what I was originally told was WRONG.  Horribly wrong.  Once I got past the "receive orders" (in which the info on the orders was wrong) and the part where I inventory everything, the rest was pretty much way off.  I am planning to write a little informal guide for the next poor soul that has to do it.

Meanwhile, I took the time at KAF to stock up on some items, do some face to face meetings, and get some information.  Here's what I learned.

First, my unit "lost" the Officer Evaluation Report (OER) that I received while I was a FOB Executive Officer, so it still hasn't been processed.  I asked my CO about it, and he told me to check with the S-1.  I asked the S-1, and he told me that he never received it.  Wonderful.   Fortunately, recreating it isn't too hard, and I've emailed my old boss and I just have to get the narrative that he wrote, and I should be good.  Also, he keeps a record of EVERYTHING that he does, so getting another copy should be easy.

Next, there is still no word on when I will go back to Italy.  I'm tasked to my current job until 01 MAR.  Now, there's the date that my unit will leave.  However, because I originally arrived with a later unit, my order of merit for leaving has me leaving later.  So my CO tells me to coordinate with another commander to leave.  I email that commander, and he stated that because I was with Brigade, I should be leaving with them, and that his unit's manifest is completed.  Meanwhile, my S-1 thought that I was leaving the same day as him, but I know that I would be here for that, and he has absolutely no answers for me. 

Today, I see a SPC that I knew, congratulated him on his recent promotion, and started BS'ing with him.  He's a PAC clerk, and I happen to mention my situation, and he tells me that the second unit (which is where he's from) has NOT submitted their manifest, nor have they even completed it.  Seems like someone lied to me.  

Black 6, out.

I think it's time for another post.  I'm ready to run fom this place.  I just don't want to run to where I'm going.  Imagine that where I am is a kick in the balls, with lots of extra pay and no expenses.  Now imagine that where I'm going is a kick in the balls, with freedom.  It's still a kick in the balls, no matter how you slice it.  Personally, I like the no pay thing.

Meanwhile, in my desire to run like all hell, I'm preparing to burn my bridges.  The only problem is that I am currently standing on them.  Like today, I was ready to set fire and go, only to realize that the bridge was basically not completed on the other end.  Meanwhile, I don't seem to have any options for getting out of the country.  I keep getting this finger that points me in one direction, only to have the peole there point me back to where I started.

Fortunately, I'm heading to Kandahar in the morning.  First time I've been to a big base since early September.  How wonderful.  A little face to face is usually good for clearing up questions.  Plus, I can mail more stuff home.  There's not much left, now.

I actually dread a few things about going home.  First off, I didn't cover anything in my apartment, so I'm going to be dusting for days.  Second, I need to get reacquainted with driving amongst Italians.  Damn, they're bad.    Finally, I can't wait to see what BS job I will have.

Black 6, out.

Boredom is a bitch.  It's just painful.  There is only so much to do out here.  I can get everywhere that I need to go within 20 steps, so I can't kill time by walking.  Maybe I'll go shoot stuff tomorrow.

Meanwhile, this "growing a beard" thing is getting itchy.  How do people do it?  I guess it's because they actually have something to mentally occupy them, so they don't actually think about it.  Kind of like how you don't notice when you blink.  At least you didn't until you read that sentence.

I have a couple of things to do in the next month.  The first thing is to buy a whole bunch of stuff right before I go back to Italy: new sneakers, VOIP phone, a roomba vac, a scale....   Well, I guess it's not a whole bunch of stuff, but you get the idea.  Meanwhile, I need to find a place to store my gun money where it can make some good gains and yet still be accessible.

When you're bored, you think of EVERYTHING.  Some of you may remember that I haven't had a soda in 2 months, or anything else, aside from water, Endurox, and protein shakes.  My tongue craves taste, and for some reason, I wanted Chinese food really badly.  And a Big Mac.  I barely resisted having a soda, but there are none out here, so that helped.

I've decided on making a couple of changes to make life more productive.  First step: I will not start IM conversations.  This is not to say that I won't have any.  It just means that unless I actually have something that I HAVE TO IM someone for, I'm just going to let the client run untouched.  I'm almost always on my end (except for 90% of the times that Samantha IM's me, but I attribute that to really bad luck).  No one else is, so I'm not going to try. 

Next, I will post this entry, and walk away from the computer.  Right after I type this.  And this.  Oh, can't forget this.

Advertisements are returning (yay) so next week will actually be sponsored by:

Black 6, out.

Before I get to the real post, some of you may be experiencing some VD backlash.  Not to worry, this is for you:
 
It's so true.

Like I said in the last post, my Valentine's Day was consumed with a large task (more on that later), so I didn't notice the day.  However I did perform my normal VD task of providing things to my single, female friends who have no one.  It's something that I only do when I am also single.  This year, due to deployments and separations, I only had to provide for one woman.  The rest of you SHOULD have had someone doing something for you, and don't qualify for this offer.  Meanwhile, I got squat, but that's no different from any year that I'm single.

I thought that I would be nowhere near an internet connection, but it's not as bad as expected.  Right now, I'm in the middle of nowhere, Afghanistan.  I mean more middle of nowhere than I was before.  The "base" that I'm on is small enough to throw a rock from one end to the other, and I can go from my room to the chow hall, bathroom, or weight room in less than 20 steps. 

Today was rather interesting.  In order to resupply food and supplies, they use a C-130 and air drop the stuff, which means they push it out of the aircraft with a parachute.  Today I got to see that, and realize that the Air Force is retarded.  Not only did the plane come in perpendicular to the heading that it was supposed to take (imagine it should go north to south but instead came east to west), but it then dropped everything around 300 meters from where we told it to (marked with a bunch of highly visible methods, in broad daylight).  The SF out here was telling me that the last time, they dropped it over a hill somewhere.

So we go to load up the stuff, and I notice there are all of these children around us, and I can't figure out where they came from.  The guy that came up here with me says "there's the town," and I have the sudden realization that I'm outside of the base.  So there I am, in civilian clothing, outside of the wire, getting food.  The kids are waiting around to take the wood and cardboard from the drop so they can burn it and use it.

I forgot to mention that.  This is an SF base.  No uniforms.  No shaving.  No women (as in they are forbidden to come up here).  And the area that I'm in is basically the wild west.  The guy that I came up here with has been shot, I think twice.  So, why am I up here?  Well, it's time for an education in Army systems.

When a soldier is killed in action, a fast-paced process begins.  First off, there is pretty much a commo shutdown at the places that there are people that knew him, which was my base for the beginning of the week.  This allows the next of kin/family to be notified in the proper way, rather than them hearing it through some rumor mill.  The Army then begins a Summary Court Martial for the soldier, and they appoint some people for specific tasks.  I have been appointed to inventory all of the soldier's personal effects for shipment back to his loved ones.  This task must be completed in 48 hours, and the effects sent back within 12 days.  My job is to go through EVERYTHING, inventory it, ensure that Army stuff goes back to the supply channel, that junk that could damage the stuff in shipment (like pens, lighters, toothpaste containers, etc) or is not of sentimental or monetary value is inventoried and destroyed, take any documents pertaining to military operations and inventory it before turning it over to the soldier's supervisor, and destroy anything that may cause the family added grief or embarrassment (porn, letters to a girlfriend when the soldier has a wife, etc).  Then I ensure that it gets to the Mortuary Affairs office for transport home.

Aside from patrols, this is, in my opinion, the only important job that I have performed in Afghanistan.  Yes, I said it.  Everything else was BS.  Oh, and here is the stuff that you missed because of the commo blackout.  It's mostly designed to help the men have Valentine's next year.

I love my lamp.

Black 6, out.

Well, it's Valentine's Day.  Whoopti-doo.  For me, today was just another day in the grind.  Actually, it was even more of a grind, and I'll tell you why a few days from now, when I am sure that I can actually say what I was doing.  Let's just say that I was so busy, taht I did not have time to care that I was single.

On a related note, I am headed to another FOB for a few days in order to perform a newly assigned duty, and may be out of contact for a few days.

Before I go, I would like to let men that are single today know that there are many available women.  Maybe one of these would be to your liking:

Black 6, out.