People change throughout their lives.  Usually it’s due to some life experience or enlightenment through knowledge or something.  “Life Changing,” they’ll call it.  I didn’t really have one of those times in my life.  However, for some reason, back in 2001 or 2002, I changed as a person.  I won’t go into the whole story, because there’s not much to it.  Basically, a person that was above me said, “Pat, you need to be amiable.”  Looking back, I should have ignored that bullshit.  Kristen may remember part of this guy from her Beast.  Unfortunately, what she saw was him as he was dying.

What I then became was a “nicer person.”  Unfortunately, that kindness was some level of stupidity.  Literally, for the next 6 years of my life, I encountered people that I should have gutted, but didn’t.  There was a missing level of fear and “is this guy stable” that should have surrounded me.  Masochistic tendencies in training seemed to die off.  The “thing” that I was just fell asleep.  I actually spent years trying to figure out how to bring it back and harness it.  What I quickly learned is that no one has written a book on how to harness your rage, and if they have, it’s not on Amazon.com.

He made comebacks every once in a while, but it would take extreme circumstances.  I remember in the mountain phase of Ranger School.  Basically, at night, with NODs on, you can’t really tell when someone is talking to you, so we had a rule that if you were giving someone directions, you would touch them.  At some point, on top of a mountain, some guy decided not to do this, and my Ranger buddy, Bill, asked him who he was talking to.  They guy apparently got pissed, and threatened to punch Bill.  I then told him that if he touched bill, I would beat the shit out of him.  The conversation quickly ended.  The vitriol that I could summon was wonderful.  I remember a guy pissing me off during a jump (parachuting), and, after seeing him land hard, hoping that he was dead.  I’m pretty sure I tried to give someone food poisoning for stealing chocolate milk from me.  Why get revenge, when a step further makes them fear being “even.”

Due to some recent events, that guy is making a comeback.  It was a me that had very little conversational tact.  Fuck sugar-coating, your idea is fucking retarded.  I’m not sure if it’s temporary or not, but it is the reason that I’m up at 2 in the morning typing a blog entry.  The more my mind runs things down, the angrier it gets.   I’m really trying to ensure that it stays around this time.  What created this person then is pretty much what brought him back.  It’s great to see life go full-fucking-circle, isn’t it. 

Yeah, I’ll be “that guy” for at least a bit.  Things are going to be blunt and honest, so if you really want that, ask me a question.  If you REALLY want that, ask me a dumb fucking question.

Amiable, my ass.

When talking to people regarding work, especially young people, I tell them that jobs can be classified into 4 categories.

The job you like, but doesn’t pay well.  I would generally put teachers (generally early education, and upper education without tenure) in this category.  These are usually people who are doing their job to “make a difference,” or because they “enjoy the work.”  They will never be rich from doing the job, but they don’t usually have a problem getting out of bed to go to work.  Candy-taster may also be in here.  People with these jobs usually satisfy the upper levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs easily (self-actualization and esteem), but may regularly have problems with the bottom two levels (psychological and safety; e,g. food, sex, sleep, etc.).  If you stick with this job, it may evolve due to pay increases (more on that later).

The job that pays well, but you hate.  This is the job where you sold your soul.  It’s the 9-5 grind, and you may be on salary, so the overtime you will HAVE to work doesn’t give you any more money.  Maybe you guzzle Pepto-Bismol because of stress.  People with these jobs usually have a high satisfaction of the bottom levels of the hierarchy from their job, but not the upper two.  They may hate getting up in the morning.  That’s where the high-paying part comes in to play.  As long as the job is able to provide the funding and time for you do do things that you like, you will generally be okay with it.  Can you take a trip to Japan without really caring about the cost?  Sky-dive every weekend?  Buy something you want without delaying gratification?  You may be here.  Staying with this job may get you more money, but you will most likely require a job or position change in order for you to get to something that you like.

The job that you hate and doesn’t pay well.  Normally, people fall into this job category for one of two reasons: needs or circumstances.  It may have been your first job as a teenager.  You needed money.  People with this job category are usually barely satisfying the bottom levels of the hierarchy.  Unemployment and/or financial hardship may also lead to this category.  Suddenly, you take a job because you have to.  Hopefully, you are able to make it out of this level, but some don’t.  Staying at this level will usually require an adjustment how you satisfy the lower hierarchy levels (moving back in with family, downgrade of housing, multiple jobs, etc.), and a psychological adjustment to what you perceive as fulfillment of the higher hierarchy levels (twisting morality, aggression rather than confidence, etc).  Staying with this job may eventually evolve it into the job that pays well, but you hate.  It is rare that it will become something that you like.  You may also spend much of your time looking for another job.

The job that pays well and you like.  This job is the rare find.  All your levels are satisfied.  People in this job category will normally come from the category of “job you like, but doesn’t pay well.”  Essentially, to get here, you have to “make it.”  Maybe you obtain tenure, get a big movie gig, or score a writing job on the Daily Show, make Detective, etc.  Now all you have to do is not fuck it up.