In the past month, I have been on 8 airplanes (takeoffs and landings for all), and all that I can say is that the majority of people that fly are idiots.
Start-to-finish stupid.
I’m a champ when it comes to airport security. I won’t tell you why here, but feel free to ask me in conversation. That being said, the rules are posted. There should really be no surprise. Here’s a tip: take a jacket with a lot of pockets, and send that through the X-ray. Nothing on your person.
Next comes loading the plane. Again, for reasons that I won’t say, I’m a champ at this. Mostly due to cheat codes. Part of this is the airline’s fault. If they would develop a system that would load the plane starting with the back outside seats first, then front-outside, then back inside, etc. I can’t see any method to the madness, but people go up, get on the plane, put their carry-on in the overhead bin SIDEWAYS, and then sit in the aisle seat and buckle their seatbelt. Oh, they also put their coat in the overhead, after specifically being told not to do that. Then they recline their seat.
Once all the monkeys are in the can, everyone (except me) takes the time to ignore the safety procedures. I understand. You feel you know everything. However, the moment that something goes wrong during takeoff or landing, and you move in the wrong direction for the nearest exit, don’t be surprised when I jam two fingers into your throat and trample your corpse. I always try to have the emergency exit seat. First off, extra leg room. Second, I refuse to be behind you idiots when things go bad. FYI: problems during takeoff and landing are the ones where you will have the least amount of time to figure things out, and the fact that the staff gave that briefing is the reason why your family can’t sue because you couldn’t find your flotation device.
Next is getting off of the plane. If you are in an aisle seat, as soon as that “fasten seatbelt” sign is off, you should be up and in the aisle. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!! Open the overhead, figure out what’s yours and prepare to move. If you are not on the aisle, and have a carry-on, do not step into the aisle and try to get your bag out while blocking the people behind you. You know who you are, with 50 lb. bag that you had someone else put up there. You should wait until the end. With the other morons. Also, if you have “things” to “do”, don’t do them in the aisle.
Before I forget, let’s talk about phone calls. Why is there an overwhelming need to let someone know that you are on the plane? Here’s an idea, if you told them you would be taking a certain plane, and nothing has gone wrong, how about you just let them stick to the plan.
“I’m on the plane.”
No fucking shit? You’re on the plane? Just like in the flight plan you emailed to me, and then called to tell me the day before, and then told me before you left home? Listen, hurry up and shut off your damn phone so the flight attendant doesn’t have to waste breath on you. This same thing goes for when you land. Get off the fucking plane. You have a great big airport full of room make a call in.
The airlines have some blame in all of this. For example, the increase in carry-on luggage. Due to the fact that they are losing profits left and right, and their desire to charge you for EVERYTHING (now including blankets, which I bet comes with a drop in average cabin temperature), people are opting for carry-ons rather than checking a bag at $25 a pop. That means full overheads, even though the flight is half full.
Here’s a tip: I understand how convenient it is to get off the plane and immediately get on your way. If you can pack that light, it’s great. However, here’s an idea. If you pack the bag and get it through security, take the option to gate-check it. They will take your bag and put it under the plane FOR FREE!! Then when you get off, you get the bag immediately. Viola, checked bag with no fee, and no need to go to baggage claim.
