A few weeks ago, a friend invited me to the Glorious Comedy at Poco comedy show.  After leaving home, and riding the train for 20 minutes, I realized that I had left both of my phones (work and personal) at home.  Thinking about it, I figured that I would lose too much time going back home and getting the phones, and decided to continue on my way.  I only did this because I had clicked on the "map it" link on the Facebook invite.  Unfortunately, the link mapped the address to an area near St. Marks place, which is an area that I was completely familiar with.  The actual place was nowhere near that.  So I wasn't where I should have believed the place should be, which is definitely not where I should have been.  [Read that sentence a couple of times.  It was only left in to make you feel as confused as I felt.  I've read it 15 times, and I can't figure out if it's right.]  I also hadn't written the address in my notebook, since I thought I knew the area I was going to.

This is where things got upsetting.  A smart phone is a great device, especially when you are carrying it.  Without it, I suddenly realized how dependent on it I was.  I couldn't look up the Facebook invite, because I didn't have the phones.  I couldn't call anyone to look it up for me because all of the numbers are in the phone.  Also, I didn't feel comfortable asking someone to use their phone.  Being resourceful, I knew that there was a bar that happened to have a small internet access point that I could use.  I also knew that there had there are stores that revolve around people paying to get online.  Sure, it cost me $3, but it was better than ending the night after only riding the train, and I had a good time at the show.

I recently read a book call "Earth Abides" which follows a character in a post apocalyptic world, in which a disease has wiped out almost all of civilization.  The story takes covers a number of decades in which the main character, along with some people that he meets essentially recreate a small society.  It's a very good read if you have a chance.

I bring this up because if I hadn't had a backup method of getting the information that I needed, there would be nothing that i could do about it.  Think about it this way.  Imagine that you lost access to the internet, and telephone communication.  Now try to do something that requires you and a few friends.  You need a phone at a minimum, unless you want a long lead time in order to get the information out.  You're definitely not going to do anything "tonight."  Unless your friends live very close to you, that is.  For example, Kelly lives in the East Village.  To talk to him would require me to travel for about an hour, and I would have to hope he was home, and free for the night.  Otherwise, it's a wasted trip.  Also, that hour only gets him, and would need to be repeated for other people.  On the other hand, Kelly and I hang out a lot one-on-one [but not one-on-one p], so it wouldn't be a huge difference.

If you were to lose technology for a long amount of time, permanently even, your geographical representation of your circle of interaction would close in considerably. Forget people who live in other states.  Jarrad in Japan?  Might as well be on Jupiter.  Actually, I take that back.  Hanging out with people far away always takes some lead time.  Michigan isn't close.  I was never able to get there quickly, or see if Mike wanted to hang out tonight.  It's my interaction with people who are geographically close, but not that close, that would suffer the most.  However, I would always have The Lil Seany Show, since it's every Saturday.

As much as i want to continue this entry about how communication technology has allowed us to spread out and yet still be connected, the real point it that I won't be forgetting my phone in the future.

Friday morning, on my way to work (which is where I do my morning workout), I was just not feeling it.  In my mind, there was
NO
WAY
IN
HELL
I was going to be able to do a workout.  I figured that if I even went to the gym, I would be shamming it.  You know those workouts.  Lift something here, move something there, not a lot of pain, but you can say that you worked out today.  I was thinking about skipping the workout that day.

Unfortunately, as part of my plan to hit the gym early, I wore my workout clothing in.  Just changing into a suit without doing anything would seem silly.  Also, I hadn't showered, so that would need to be taken care of, and I would have created dirty clothes for nothing.  Ultimately, I did end up going working out, and I worked out pretty hard.  I may have even pushed a few limits.  Lifting on a day where you feel like crap (without legitimately being injured or sick) really takes some willpower.

Unfortunately, some people, especially early lifters, don't have that drive to push through the sucky days.  At that point, they skip a lift.  Then two.  And then they aren't working out for long periods of time.  It's a very easy slump to fall in, and I've had it happen when work becomes overwhelming.

This is why I recommend having a training partner.  Back when I was at West Point, I had a guy that I worked out with regularly.  It was great because it was very rare that we both felt like not lifting.  As long as one of us was good to go, the other person was basically guilted into attending. 

Another perk of a partner is that you can make a lot of gains in the gym, for a number of reasons.  First off, you can remove some limits, thanks to an added level of safety.  There were weights that I never would have tried bench pressing if there wasn't someone there to act as a spotter if (and when) i failed to lift it.  Having a spotter allowed me to take those chances.

Second, there is a sense of competition or mentor-ship that goes on there.  If both individuals are in the same level of fitness, they will each attempt to push themselves to work harder (again, the safety of having a spotter comes into play).  If one is in significantly better shape than the other, the weaker person will push to not be weak and try to do well.  Meanwhile, the stronger person will work hard to not show any weakness to the partner.  For those in the military, imagine the PL or PSG at PT.

Lastly, a partner can help you move through sticking points.  Just a tiny bit of help can go a long way.

Lifters who are just starting out may have an easier time finding a partner than those who are already far along in fitness.  Experienced people may have a workout that's intimidating, or that they do not want to adapt (especially if you have very specific goals), so convincing another experienced person to come over to your way is hard, changing your way might be hard, and a newbie will just run away.  Inexperienced people, on the other hand, can generally find someone who also wants "to get in shape for spring break," or can approach an experienced person to work with them, doing anything the experienced person says.

When I was in Afghanistan, Mike approached me because he hadn't done weight training before.  He jumped onto my program, which, at the time, was hard and did a lot of strength development.  He did well with it (30 lbs of muscle in 3 months) and stuck with it.  When he was moved to a separate base, he had a hard time finding a partner.  They kept quitting.  Hell, his platoon Sergeant worked out with him once, and vowed never to work out with him again.

Working out alone takes a different level of dedication.  For me, it borders on schizophrenia or auditory hallucination.  It's like there is a second voice in my head that takes the place of the partner.  Unfortunately, this voice tends to call me "bitch," "scum," and "pussy," and tells me to "keep going," a lot more than any partner ever has (it does other things in other situations).  Maybe I'll talk more on lifting with anger in another post. 

The only other helpful advice that I can give someone who has to train alone is this: just start the workout.  When I left the military, my running fell off, and when I went to start up again, I dreaded running.  However, I found that if I got dressed and stepped out the door, I would HAVE TO run since I was already outside.  Just like the story earlier, I'm already in the clothes, I might as well just go.  If you are standing in front of the weights, there is no reason not to start lifting them.  Starting is the hardest part, but an object in motion stays in motion.

A few posts back, I mentioned that I had done P90x.  I've gotten a number of questions about it over time.  Yes, it's a good program.  No, there is no gimmick to it other than that the workouts are hard.  No, I did not follow the nutritional plan.  No, you don't really need to buy any of the other stuff they sell (more on that later).  Personally, I remember on one of their commercials where someone said that when they looked at it, they saw it as something they wouldn't be embarrassed about if one of their friends walked in on them doing it.  This is an excellent point.  If anyone were to see me doing something like Hip-Hop Abs, or Samba Slim, or Brazil Butt Lift, or whatever else is out there, I would have to leave the country. 

Now, you may wonder what day was the hardest day of the P90x program?  Chest and back?  Arms?  Ab Ripper X?  No, those were all reasonable.  Hard, but reasonable.  The hardest day, in my opinion (as well as the opinions of people that I have talked to about it) is Yoga.

Fucking Yoga.

I expected the yoga disk to be something calming, maybe some inner peace stuff, and some flexibility work.  "Yoga.  How hard can that be?"  15 minutes into pretzel-ville and I'm dripping sweat from God knows how many Sun salutations to chaturanga to downward-dog combinations.  By that time, I thought I was AT LEAST 30 minutes in, so I was in for a big surprise when I looked at the timer on the screen.  Most P90x workouts are about an hour, so guess how surprised I was to also see that yoga was a 90 minute workout.  An hour and a half minutes of "hold this," "grab those," "lift that," and "balance."

Yoga was the one thing I actually purchased any additional stuff for, because I needed a yoga block.  Using a dumbbell as a substitute wasn't cutting it. 

What's worse is that during the "recovery" week, you do yoga TWICE.  How does that count as recovering.

Eventually, it was manageable.  Especially after the first two or three times, when I knew was was coming.

I'm thinking about doing Insanity.  Hopefully, it's not insane enough to have yoga.  (Just looked at the website.  No Yoga)

Not a lot of people lift heavy anymore.

At least not the people that I know.  Part of it could be because of our line of work, but even looking at magazines such as Men's Health, the workouts they show are less about getting big muscles, and more about losing weight and developing functional strength and high stamina (most people call these CrossFit workouts, but since that is a copyrighted term, I will refere to them as CrossFit-like.  Also, I have no other term that I can think of for it, other than circuit training).  Outside of CrossFit, you see other programs like Military Athlete and Mountain Athlete.

About a decade ago, when working out started to become mainstream again and gyms were popping up ll over the place, every workout you could find was centered around bodybuilding, e.g. 6-8 reps for 3 sets, lift to failure, bulk up, look big and sexy.  It seems that in the last 2-3 years, there has been a movement away from that.  Now it's all about functional strength, stamina.

There are a handful of people at work that are all about the heavy lifts.  The muscles look great and all, but 8 flights of stairs, or any excercise where the rep count exceeds 10, kill these guys.  There is also the issue of bulk, something I'm currently fighting.  The heavier you are, the more weight that you have to move.  Personally, I would like to drop 5-10 lbs .  For comparison, I'm 5'9", 184 lbs.  Georges St-Pierre is 5'11", 170 lbs.  However, I may also have a high bone density, which can't be changed, and has caused issues with my swimming (lack of bouyancy).

A couple of years ago, I began the transition out of heavy lifting, and started to work for stamina building and increasing my strength-to-weight ratio.  Initially, I added spin classes to my regimen twice a week, in addition to workouts using supersets, targeting antagonistic muscles, three times a week.  I was still in the army at the time, so running was always there, also.

After leaving the army, my workout schedule was hectic and random.  I still did strength development workouts, but the weird work schedule I had really killed things.  About a year ago, when I was restarting a steady workout program, I did P90x.  I found it to be an excellent program, and was a good way to get back in the rhythm of things.

In case some of you are wondering, my current workout has three crossfit-type workouts and two strength development workouts.  Those are done in the morning.  The evenings have spin class once a week, swimming once a week, close quarters combat training once a week, and I am looking to re-add running once or twice a week.  No workouts on weekends or vacations.

Personally, I would definitely recommend a bodybuilding-type workout regimen for any beginner lifter, for anywhere from 6 months to a year.  It has nice, controlled, and defined metrics; I feel there is a lower chance of injury (when compared to the high intensity of CrossFit and plyometric type workouts); and it allows the individual to develop some strength and form before moving onto the advanced exercises.

I think the next post or two will be dealing with some stuff in the gym.

After a wildly successful Little Seany Boy Show, this past Saturday, Scott, Steve and I hung around at the upstairs lounge of Comix for our occasional chat about "whatever."  Some days, we've been really deep into politics and stance on abortion.  Last night however, we spent the majority of the conversation telling Steve, "No, you're not fat just because you outweigh Pat by 12 pounds, you're just an inch taller than me.  Also, you may have a percent body-fat that is 1 or 2 percent higher."  Steve was very adamant that he could not outweigh me.  I hope he doesn't develop an eating disorder.

Anyway, at some point, Steve suggested going to a strip club somewhere.  I don't remember what the suggestion was, just that tits were in the proposal.  Scott and I were largely against it.  Scott and I have this thing called a budget.  Scott more so now, since he just got his own place in Astoria.  Personally, I see the strip club as a waste of money, and have been strip-club free for about 15 months or so.  Even then, I only went by because I knew some of the girls (so really 20 months since I was only dropping by to say hi).  Also, if I wanted to give a girl $20 (is that still the going rate for a lap dance?) to pretend to love me, and promptly leave me once I ran out of money, I would get married.**

Anyway, while sitting at the bar (we were the only three people there), the bartender gets on a walkie-talkie and says, "The girls are here."  Turns out that Comix was having a new event: Hunkamania.  Apparently, at the stroke of midnight, Comix would transform into a pumpkin, and by "pumpkin," I mean a cesspool of estrogen fueled harpies, screaming for less-than-half-dressed men.  Needless to say, we got the hell out of there.  We would have stayed if the event were "Hulkamania."

Strangely, the majority of the women that arrived were not ugly looking, and would seem entirely able to pick up a guy.  It seems like they just wanted to go out and objectify men in a manner similar to the one that they seem so against when women are the recipients.  It's much different than guys at a strip club for two reasons.  First, men aren't loud, and it's rarely a group event.  Second, at least when we leave the club, we don't act like we aren't the type of person that would go to those places.

**Alternate joke: If I'm going to feed dollar bills to a slot, I expect to get candy or a soda.

Here's a small fact for you.  The husband of a coworker of mine works for JC Penny.  Recently, she told us that they has changed all their women's clothing sizes by 2.  That is, if you were a size 6, now you're a size 4.  How wonderful.

I bring this up because I recently order clothing online from both JC Penny and Old Navy.  Essentially, due to my high frugality, it allowed me to earn more points on my credit card than if I had gone into the store.  Also, there was an online sale and free shipping.  My only time investment would be the online checkout.

Most of the clothing was great, except that there were some issues that should not have happened.  First off, I'm a guy.  We have VERY standard sizing: our pants are based on actual measurements, and our shirts are on a pretty good scale.

The shirts that arrived from JC penny were a bit tight.  Like, "what I wore when I first started working out to show off the fact that I was working out" tight.  That's not what I wear now (I still work out.  It's other reasons).  The problem is that they were large shirts, which are based on a chest measurement that I do not exceed.  I should have been good.

Old Navy shirts were fine.  The Old Navy jeans were okay, and I'll have to see what a couple of washings do for them, but there was one issue.  The back pockets were not as deep as they usually are.  I like my wallet to be buried.  A criminal should have to sexually assault me to get to it.  With these pants, everything stuck out a tiny but, or was flush with the top.  Old Navy jeans did not do this in the past.  I might have to change to Nautica.

Now I'll have to inspect things in the store before I buy them online.  I'll actually go into a store and stick my hand in a pocket.  I wonder what the next change they screw me on will be.  Maybe they'll make the crotches tighter.

In the past month, I have been on 8 airplanes (takeoffs and landings for all), and all that I can say is that the majority of people that fly are idiots. 

Start-to-finish stupid.

I'm a champ when it comes to airport security.  I won't tell you why here, but feel free to ask me in conversation.  That being said, the rules are posted.  There should really be no surprise.  Here's a tip: take a jacket with a lot of pockets, and send that through the X-ray.  Nothing on your person. 

Next comes loading the plane.  Again, for reasons that I won't say, I'm a champ at this.  Mostly due to cheat codes.  Part of this is the airline's fault.  If they would develop a system that would load the plane starting with the back outside seats first, then front-outside, then back inside, etc.  I can't see any method to the madness, but people go up, get on the plane, put their carry-on in the overhead bin SIDEWAYS, and then sit in the aisle seat and buckle their seatbelt.  Oh, they also put their coat in the overhead, after specifically being told not to do that.  Then they recline their seat.

Once all the monkeys are in the can, everyone (except me) takes the time to ignore the safety procedures.  I understand.  You feel you know everything.  However, the moment that something goes wrong during takeoff or landing, and you move in the wrong direction for the nearest exit, don't be surprised when I jam two fingers into your throat and trample your corpse.  I always try to have the emergency exit seat.  First off, extra leg room.  Second, I refuse to be behind you idiots when things go bad. FYI: problems during takeoff and landing are the ones where you will have the least amount of time to figure things out, and the fact that the staff gave that briefing is the reason why your family can't sue because you couldn't find your flotation device.

Next is getting off of the plane.  If you are in an aisle seat, as soon as that "fasten seatbelt" sign is off, you should be up and in the aisle.  GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!  Open the overhead, figure out what's yours and prepare to move.  If you are not on the aisle, and have a carry-on, do not step into the aisle and try to get your bag out while blocking the people behind you.  You know who you are, with 50 lb. bag that you had someone else put up there.  You should wait until the end.  With the other morons.  Also, if you have "things" to "do", don't do them in the aisle.

Before I forget, let's talk about phone calls.  Why is there an overwhelming need to let someone know that you are on the plane?  Here's an idea, if you told them you would be taking a certain plane, and nothing has gone wrong, how about you just let them stick to the plan. 

"I'm on the plane."

No fucking shit? You're on the plane?  Just like in the flight plan you emailed to me, and then called to tell me the day before, and then told me before you left home?  Listen, hurry up and shut off your damn phone so the flight attendant doesn't have to waste breath on you.  This same thing goes for when you land.  Get off the fucking plane.  You have a great big airport full of room make a call in. 

The airlines have some blame in all of this.  For example, the increase in carry-on luggage.  Due to the fact that they are losing profits left and right, and their desire to charge you for EVERYTHING (now including blankets, which I bet comes with a drop in average cabin temperature), people are opting for carry-ons rather than checking a bag at $25 a pop.  That means full overheads, even though the flight is half full. 

Here's a tip:  I understand how convenient it is to get off the plane and immediately get on your way.  If you can pack that light, it's great.  However, here's an idea.  If you pack the bag and get it through security, take the option to gate-check it.  They will take your bag and put it under the plane FOR FREE!!  Then when you get off, you get the bag immediately.  Viola, checked bag with no fee, and no need to go to baggage claim.

V-D is fast approaching, and I don't mean Vampire Diaries.

I would like to know if anyone took my advice about making Valentine's Day reservations immediately following New Year's Day?  You know, where you would be guaranteed to be covered if you suddenly found yourself dating, and/or without other ideas.  The one that you could give away to a buddy if you were single, and they were desperate?  I mean, it's a great idea.  Why didn't you take my advice?  If you are a female, why did you not mention this to your man?

This year, I am lucky enough to not have to make any plans.  Whether or not there are plans that I have made is a different story. 

If you are running low on time to get a gift, I recommend giving that special someone the gift of time.
 
Or you could just buy it for yourself, and just let them know.  Also, you may want to do some more core work in your exercises.

Before I get to the meat of the entry, here is a funny conversation at work.  I am talking to one of my coworkers early in the morning and ask, "So, whose door are we kicking in today?"  He was still in the middle of his morning coffee, and replied, "I'll be kicking one in about 30 minutes from now."  5 minutes later, after the convo, I walked away, saying, "Well, I'm going to go kick in a door."  Needless to say, "kick in a door," is now the new euphemism in the office.  Now, on to my story.

This month, I decided to join the Water Club at work.  Basically, if you do not want to drink tap water, you can pay $5 a month and be one of the lucky people that can have water from the water cooler near your work area.  Technically, it's not created by my job, just a thing that workers in multiple locations have put together. 

When I originally got to my job, I was against the idea of joining.  I mean, how much water was I really going to drink.  After a while, I realized that I drink quite a bit.  Enough to warrant the $5.  I mean, bulk buying bottles at BJ's only goes so far, especially when you forget a bottle, and have to pay $0.75 for one at work. 

Now that I am part of the club, and paying, the most important thing is getting my $5 worth of water.  This has led to some interesting discussions by people concerning how much water one can drink.  For example, some people drink a gallon of water a day.  Can the water club support this amount of consumption?  If I just throw a bottle over my shoulder when I go home, that should be fine, right?  Technically, you said it's unlimited water, so it should be okay to fill up my fish tank, right?

The Metropolitan Detention Center of Brooklyn to be exact.  I got a 4 hour tour.

A four-hour tour.  It's a long time to be in a prison, especially when you haven't eaten lunch.  When you're walking around a lockup, surrounded by prisoners, as cool as I can keep it, you always keep the idea in the back of your mind that you may have to kill your way out.  After the tour, I found out that my buddy, a former Special Forces officer, had the same thoughts.

When you drive past the building, you would have no idea that it was a prison.  It just looks like a large warehouse.  There is no large fence with snipers outside or anything.  However, the level of control exercised in this place is unbelievable.  There are two doors between inmates and freedom at all time.  Key control is done such that no one key will get you very far.  Also, certain areas are completely self sufficient from other areas.  The prison itself it pretty self-sufficient from the world, too.  All repairs and work (except elevators, due to liability) are performed by prison staff.  That means food prep, welding, masonry, repairs, etc.  Also, ever staff member is an officer, and qualify for a law enforcement officer pension.  That means the doctors, the secretaries, the electronics people, etc.  If something goes wrong, you can arm anyone in there, because they are all trained, and regularly train.

The Special Housing Unit (SHU) is an interesting place, and is what you would be talking about if someone mentioned "the hole."  It's where they house either the worst of the worst, people who have misbehaved, or people that have to separated from general population or others.  For example, one guy was in there not only because he killed a bunch of people, but because he had a kill list that included a judge and a US Attorney.  They also administer their own punishment (yes, a jail within a jail).  For example, one guy has lost phone privileges until 2040.  It's funny because he is only sentenced until 2015.  However, it does deter people from helping him cheat the phone system.

Another thing that is dangerous: keys.  If a key is lost and not recovered in the Bureau of Prisons, that key can NEVER be used again, and all locks that use it must be changed.  FYI, that's a pain in the neck, since there are a LOT of locks.  So you know, a phone is also just as dangerous as a gun, since a prisoner can do things like order hits on people.

At the end of the tour, they showed us video of some of the incidents that they had in the prison: fights, stabbings, etc.  There are cameras just about everywhere.  Oh, there was a video of a guy in the visiting room with his kid and baby-mama (I guess).  He had her sneak in cocaine, and while he was there (kid on lap), he was trying to covertly shove the coke up his ass.  Oh, yeah, and he was seated.  I don't really want to go into this, but he did come to the visit lubed up.

If you think life in there is crappy, it's not.  At least not for criminals.  The place was VERY clean.  At one point, one of the inmates was buffing a floor, and I felt bad walking on it.  They have access to medical and dental staff for minor things, and the equipment is state of the art (surgery can only be done at a larger prison, or they will have to wait until their sentence is up).  Inmates figure that as long as they are locked up, they might as well  get some free health care.  Remember this when people talk about the health care bill.

It's not overcrowded, either.  MDC Brooklyn can house approximately 3,000 inmates, buy only currently has about 2,300. 

Here's a small fact.  When a fight breaks out, all the prisoners run.  Not to fight, but for things like ice.  They know that once the officers respond the unit is going into lock-down.  In fact, some inmates will try to stop the fight themselves, so they don't get locked-down.  For example, we saw a video where some guys had planned to stab another guy in his cell (no cameras in the cells).  Anyway, the fight breaks out in the cell, and after a minute or two, the guy in the adjacent cell comes running out in flip-flops, no shirt, and carrying a towel.  He wanted to get a shower in before they had to be in their cells for a few days.  Another guy ran to get his bucket of ice.

The place is not like OZ, and I'm sure that prison is not a fun time, but these are criminals and terrorists (a couple that I am well acquainted with are locked up in there).  I wouldn't want to be in there, but I also haven't committed violations of federal law.