This past Tuesday, I had a doctor's appointment for a full physical.  Unfortunately, I had to go all the way to Philly for it, which was a wonderful 2 hour drive.  Also, because they were drawing blood for tests, I could not eat anything for 12 hours prior to going there, and no breakfast the day of.  You could clearly see how great of a mood I would be in.  My appointment was at 8:30, so I left the house at 6:30, knowing that I would make up time speeding.  This plan was flawless until I actually got to philly and went from 80 MPH to 20 MPH for some unknown reason on the road.  I always wonder what happened, but i never see an answer, and we always get back up to speed at some random point.

After filling out some paperwork upon arrival, I saw another guy who was currently in the same process that I am in (yes, that process).  I didn't get to say much to him since he was doing his paperwork, but he will come into play later.  First test was a hearing test.  Not much to talk about there.

Then the nurse took me to another room to do a couple of other tests.  "Just go in this room and take off your pants... I mean shirt."  I'm not sure if it was just an actual slip or what.  Either way, I had an EKG (also comes into play later).  When that's over she asks me if I want to give the urine sample.  I remind her that I haven't eaten in 12 hours, so unless she wants powder, we should put that off.

Next, she had to draw blood.  She left the room to get the equipment, since we were not in the normal room, and disappeared for a considerable amount of time.  This is why I bring a book.  When she returns, she explains to me that she hadn't abandoned me, but she had to help the nurse in the other room.  Apparently, the other guy wasn't doing so well when they took his, and she was there to help if he passed out.  He was a pretty tall guy, and apparently his palm got really sweaty and he looked pale.  I explained to the nurse that he was pretty pale when he got here, so there is probably no need for concern.  Apparently, they take a lot of blood, and when you combine this with no food for 12 hours, it can work on you. For regular checkups, they would only need two vials.  However, for this one, they would need six. 

Vampires.

She kept asking me if I was ok with needles and blood.  I told her I was perfectly fine with it.  She didn't seem to believe me, and asked again, asking if I had ever fainted or anything.  I guess she was afraid that she would have to move me if I suddenly slumped out of the chair, and that would be a task worthy of two nurses.   I assured her that I was fine, and she proceeded to draw gallons of blood, while also being amazed that I watched the whole thing.  As in, I watched the needle go in, and all blood get drawn.  This apparently made me worthy of being bragged about to the other nurses in the office.

A quick snack, a quick pee (where the speed in which I entered the bathroom, peed, and exited was also legendary to the nurse), and an eye test and it was time for the long capacity test.  There have this tube that looks like the end of a vacuum cleaner hose, and they have you breathe all of the way in and then blow into the tube as long and hard as you can.

"You blow into this, and I'll be coaching you."  She literally coached me.  "And...  BLOW!!!  KEEP GOING KEEP GOING KEEP GOING, BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW, and.. stop."

I was exhausted.  "Alright, just two more times and that's it."  She was serious.  I would hate to be whoever cleans out that tube, because I'm sure there's spit collected at the bottom.

Next, i went to sit in another room and wait for the doctor that would be examining me.  This time, it was correct for me to take off my pants, as well as the shirt.  Anyway, he comes in, and does a couple of tests and begins grilling me on any cardio workouts that I do.  This was like 2 minutes of continuous questions.  In the end, he told me he had to ask so that he had an explanation for why my heart rate was really low.

After most of the checkup was done, he told me that in the future, everyone that applied and/or worked for this organization would have to get a rectal check.  I (not wanting a finger in my butt), said that I thought that prostate exams were only necessary for guys over 37.  He explained that apparently they would be checking for hemorrhoids and stuff.  I (still not wanting a finger in the butt), asked if this requires the finger.  He didn't know, and apparently the organization didn't specify yet.  However, he stated that he was not looking forward to having to do the checks.

Oh, earlier, I had been talking to the nurse about the fact that I had to drive 2 hours to come here, and said, "I mean, is this the only hospital in the state that does this."  Yup.  This is the only place in the state that has a contract to do this, and apparently, they have had it for a while.

Anyway, next the doctor said that something looked weird on my EKG.  It's a bunch of squiggly lines, as far as I'm concerned, so i just nod and look at whatever he points at.  Then he says he need to check something and leaves the room.  He comes back 2 minutes later and tells me that they want to do another EKG, just so that he doesn't have to refer me to a cardiologist before he can clear me.  I then end up waiting for 5 minutes, which is not helping my heart rate.

 Fortunately, the second test was perfectly fine, and it may have been something wrong with the leads.

Black 6, out.

This entry contains language not suitable for children.  If you believe that children haven't heard this before.  Also, you HAVE TO watch the videos at the end of the post.

Being in the Army gave me a certain expertise in certain skills.  Unfortunately, one of these skills happens to be swearing.  Don't get me wrong.  I swore while I was in high school, but I'm sure that I didn't swear as creatively as I do now.  I don't think it's "excessive" since I really only use it in times of extreme emotion, story-telling, exasperation, or if it may add to the humor or what I am saying. 

I can turn it off in general, especially during meetings and such.  Also, I can turn it off around children, so all is well.  Efforts to stop it completely have been less than successful.

I know that some stuff is more offensive than others.  Like, I can easily get away with.  "Holy s--t, we're f--ked." 
However, in extreme moments of exasperation, "Jesus-f--king-Christ" is definitely going to turn heads. However, I don't use the N-word.  Except in jest pf those who use it excessively.  For example, one day, I was standing somewhere with a friend, and I swear that every other word out of the mouth of a person near us was that word.  Like, if you told a story and used that word instead of "man", "[the/this/that] guy", "him", "dude".  So I turned to my friend and (somewhat quietly) acted like I was telling a story, but ONLY using that word, and keeping my voice inflections.  Granted, it was only 6 words in a row, but I think I got my point across.

You know how, if you've ever taken a public speaking class, they teach you to avoid saying "um" and "like".  Well, when I was in Ranger School, somehow, we had all gotten to the point of replacing "um" with "f--king".  It would be the first word of a sentence or train of thought.  This is not to be confused for when we used it as an adjective for most of our nouns.  Taken literally, everything was fornicating: rivers, houses, objectives, roads, etc.  Even worse were the ones that were doing it with mothers.  Sometimes, I've heard more swears than words in a sentence: such as in "F--k you, you f--king f--ks." 

Even further down the line are the ones that I can't use.  By this, I mean that there is a very small section of society that would accept the terms used.  "Shut your c--k holster (mouth),"  is either going to be misunderstood (although no one has ever replied with "which one") or is used in such a scenario that the stress of the moment makes the completely overshadows the statement and causes compliance, rather than outrage.  "Ball-washer" may also be used.

Lastly there are the ones that are funny.  You generally still can't say these in certain places, but they will draw a laugh.  For example, if someone opens something VERY enthusiastically, you can say that they "tore it open like a sack of vaginas."  Yes, I know that vaginae is the proper pluralization, but I have never heard that word used.  Even the IDEA of swearing is pretty funny, even when you don't hear the word.  Here are two examples:

Swearing is pretty commonplace these days.  I'm pretty sure that if we did not put so much of a taboo on it, people would stop caring about it all together.  Eventually it would lose it's power.  I would still do it, but at least all of f--kers with a pole up their a-- wouldn't complain. 

Black 6, out.

In some of my entries, I've brought up the point of being able to remove people from my life, and I mentioned an individual that I would be removing at some point (provided I close a few loose ends).  I think my biggest issue with the person was that, as a friend, I stood by them through some tough times, pushed them to not give up on some things which ultimately ended up better than they imagined, and always offered to be a support system for that person.  I'm not saying that I am the sole individual that helped this person, but I would consider myself as part of a group that I do not know the other members of.  I can only assume that they probably provided similar advice to what I gave (if they are reasonable).  Interestingly enough, this is almost exactly like the situation that led me to drop the last person, except that scenario was a lot longer, and this one's reason for being dropped are a bit different.

This entry revolves around what I refer to as support systems.  These are generally things that you use to help you deal with a number of different scenarios, whether it be other people, music, working out, etc., you turn to these things to help you cope, or give you a different perspective on things.  Working out has been my way of dealing with rage or anger (thank you to all those who angered me).  I use music to put me in the proper mindset for situations.  People are generally useful for getting a perspective from someone who is not in the middle of the situation that you are in, because it's hard to see the entire picture from there. 

If you were standing in the middle of Central Park, and that's the only world you knew, the whole world might as well be wooded.  With random people running through it.  And cops.  On horses.  And being as the park is very large, unless you had reason and direction to explore, unless you trekked to the fringes of the park, you would not be able or need to find that the world that you are in is different from the world that you think that you are in.  The same could be said if you were in a boat the Pacific Ocean, with land just over the horizon in one direction, out of sight.  As far as you know, you might as well be in the middle of the ocean.  Unless you got lucky and traveled that way, you are just as likely to move in the wrong direction as the right one.  Maybe even more so, since there are normally a lot more wrong directions.  It's very hard to be your own lighthouse.

I think it's hard to actually find individuals to be your support systems, and that this difficulty increases for males.  Stereotypically, a man is "supposed to" handle his problems, which I generally agree with.  Not that women shouldn't or can't handle theirs, it's just that in raising, women generally seem to be more able to turn to family, specifically women in their family, when there are problems.  In fact, there are a number of issues (I'll simply say around puberty) where that becomes the easiest and best course of action.  Men, on the other hand, generally don't turn to others as easily. 

A lot of our stuff is learned through trial and error, reading the exploits of other men, or from a handful of guys that we may hang out with.  Even in talking to other men about problems, there is a definite difference in the method and commencement of communication, the amount of information passed, and the advice received.  Information is only that which is necessary to convey the idea of the issue, they may not even look at each other for most of the conversation, and the advice given back will generally be short, semi-blunt, but realistic.

Family is normally out of the question for me.  The closer the relation, the more biased that I think they generally are, so when they give advice, they customize it to you without taking into account the realities of the situation.  If you're doing terrible in love, their advice falls around that fact that "you'll find someone", rather than something that actually looks at how you act or who you are, and that you may actually have to adapt so you fit in with society a little better. 

The last two pieces of advice I received from family were where I could go to vote (back in 2004), and where to get my taxes done (2005).  I didn't use the tax advice.  E-filing was easier.  On the other hand, family tends to direct people to me for advice (or tells me to call people and check up on them), probably because I'm pretty robotic when it comes to bias.  If you fucked up, I say, "you fucked up".  And offhand, I can think of a few friends and family members that will generally call me for my opinion.  Not saying that everyone runs to me, but there are a couple that I talk to more than most.

I think what prompted this entry is that the other day, someone who normally comes to me for advice, actually gave me a piece of advice that I could have used months ago.  It would have at least given me some guidance during a rough time.  Nothing against her, she just wasn't informed of the issue back then.  Granted, this is not someone that I would normally go to for advice (or would not have been my first choice), nor was I looking for advice on this issue at this time (at least I don't think I was), but it was in response to some things we were talking about that happened after she left Italy.  I happened to mention something, off the cuff, and her response was definitely insightful. 

My only issue is that now, it's a bit too late to do anything.

Black 6, out.

Once you have been
tagged, you must write a blog containing 10 weird, random things
(facts, habits, goals) about yourself. At the end, select 10 people to
be tagged, listing their names and the reason you chose them. Send them
a message (You’re it!) and instruct them to read your blog. You can’t
tag the person who tagged you. Since you can’t tag me back, let me know
when you’ve posted your blog so I can see your answers. Thanks for
playing and have fun!!!

1. Whenever I talk about the job that I'm going for, thanks to the Non-Disclosure Agreements that I've signed, you would swear that I was killing people.  A trip here for a day and return.  A trip there for a day and return.  No details of what happend.  Also, some of it I don't talk about it case I don't get it.
2. I am almost OCD when it comes to money.  I check my bank account almost every other day.  Not that I'm broke, but its like I'm constantly planning to so something.
3. If a girl can't hold a good conversation with me, it pretty much kills her chances.  It doesn't have to be about anything hugely important.  Just string some thoughts together, a witty observation here and there, maybe a joke about yourself or a situation that is ironic.  You'd be surprised how many people I run into that can't so this.
4. I like to cook, but it always gets to me that women don't believe that.  When I say i cook, it is almost always met with surprise.
5. I actively try to rid myself of emotions, or at least gain complete control of them.  I found that too many times in my life, I let my feeling override logic, and ended up screwing myself.  At times, I may force myself to be heartless or distanced in order to reach necessary ends.  I'm not saying that I don't want emot''ions, but I do see where they have stood in my way, and contradicted the way that the real world works.
6. My weakness for women is generally a cute smile.  I guess it's a showing that she can generally express her happiness, and not hold back.  Good smile examples (1, 2, 2.5 3, 3.5, 4, 5).  Ironically, I don't smile a lot (I mean a full fledged smile, and not a smirk).
7. I consider myself Catholic, but heaven forbid you try to push religion on me.  I tear apart arguments so fast, you would call me THE Devil's Advocate.  For the past week, I've been waiting for someone to bring up the book of Revelation in an argument against global ID's because it would "bring about the anti-christ".
8. I actually see the potential in the idea of online dating in that it removes a lot of the pomp and act and forces you to get to know an individual's way of thinking.  I can tell if I would like talking to a person by typing to them, because as great as a person may present them self to be, they can't really dress up their brain.
9. In learning to protect myself, I've learned to remove people from my life, provided all loose ends are tied up.  In fact, I'm poised for two right now, provided I tie up the loose ends I have with them.  This isn't a whim thing, and usually comes after months of abuse or treatment as a second-rate friend, especially if that treatment follows a mostly one-sided friendship on my part.  Strangely, people I only occasionally talk to are in less danger of being purged.
10. I'm pretty sure that I passed up a great chance with an excellent woman, and now that's it's gone, there's almost no way to go back.  Well, there may be, but it's quite a substantial effort, and no change from how things were when it ended.

My Taggees (I chose you because I think you will do it):

1. Berniee
2. Tabby
3. Ryan
4. Tim
5. Kristen
6. Nina (myspace)
7. Sharon
8. Mike (Myspace)
9. Jarrad (Myspace)
10. Tanya

Black 6, out.

I wrote this a few days ago when it first came to mind.  Today I saw the issue come up in a comic I regularly read, so I decided now was a relevant time to post it.

Occasionally, I actually get to go out to a club and enjoy myself.  Unfortunately, there are a couple of things that will invariably happen.  One of the nights, I will walk in on 18 and over night, which is when mostly non-drinkers are there.  I feel bad even talking to people 8 years younger than me, and they have no idea what to do with me, since they are used to dealing with guys their age (read: idiots).  Next is that i will be regularly groped by women who are passing by.  I'm not really complaining, but i find it upsetting that a guy could never get away with this.  Yes, I realized that when you tapped me that you needed to pass.  Running your hand slowly across the small of my back, or performing the body brush is too obvious.

However, what annoys me the most is the dancing.  I actually do go to the club to do a bit of dancing, and have fun.  However, I have noticed a disturbing trend, which is not that disturbing when I think about it, but still says a bit about what's happening in the world.  Essentially, all dance has degraded to grinding:

What is worse is the one other thing that won't stop happening.  Now, many times, you've seen a girl dancing, and then all of a sudden, some sleazy-esque kind of sneaks up and starts dancing behind her, and slowly moves in.  Normally this is met with rejection, and in some cases a mild level of disgust.  However, I have recently noticed that a group of girls may be dancing, when one decided that dancing with me would be fun.  However, rather than turn and face me, they kind of back towards me as though trying to hint that I should com u behind them.

I AM NOT A HORSE!!!

Damn it, turn and face me.  There are other dances than grinding.  Anyway, my legs eventually get tired from the repetitive movement. 

Click to enlarge comics
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Black 6, out.

Due to recent and past dating experiences and somewhat related to my last post, I have decided to create a girlfriend application.  Not like a computer application, which I could probably get from Japan, but the requirements and application for the position (snicker) of girlfriend.

About me:  Single guy, 5'9" 179 lbs. and athletic.  I do not believe in segregation.  I don't even separate colors from whites when I do laundry.  Likes cooking, dancing, movies, and video games (but not video games that involve dancing. Dance Dance Revolution is not real dancing).   Good with computers.  Generally handy.  No kids.  Good sense of humor.  Tells jokes.  Prone to witty and sarcastic commentary. 

Hair color:  Don't really care.  You all dye it, anyway.  No one has hair that is naturally fire-engine red.

Height: Short or tall.  May be taller than me, but can't cave a problem with me being shorter.

Personality:  Must have one.  Can't have more than two.  "Bitch" cannot be one of them.

Physical build: I have no idea how to ID cup sizes, and there is really no pattern for what I happen to like.  It's more of a snap judgment (I know if I like what I see), so pictures will be required with application.  Hell, feel free to send pictures if you are not applying.  Preference may go to individuals that stay in shape, or at least have an "average" body type.  If you are built like Jamie Eason (1, 2), you automatically win.  If you ARE Jamie Eason, call me.

Skills:

• Must have a good group of female friends.  I can not be the sole source of fun/entertainment.  That waym you can go out with them, and I can chill with the guys/read/play video games.  Also, not having female friends is a sign that you are eithe r crazy, or that other women just can't stand you, probably because you are crazy/dramatic.
• Must have good conversation skills.  This will be tested regularly.  Staring at me and giggling is cute, but gets old after 5 minutes.  It also makes me self-conscience.  Also, I can only tell so many army stories.
• Must be able to cook and/or clean.  I already do both for myself.  I'm not looking for additional work.
• Natural aversion to drama.
• Ability to balance checkbook and be thrifty.
• Ability to say what you actually mean.  Non-reliance on my mind reading capabilities is a must.
• Cuddling skills. <= Male friends are not allowed to reference this statement for use of future ridicule.  Also, I am not looking for a man, so why are you still reading.

Not required, but useful:

• Likes to play video games (rather than games with my head).

Unused title: Position open for multiple positions.  Flexible working conditions....

Black 6, out.

Let me just say ahead of time, that this does not include women in general.  Just ones with dating potential.

So I've come up with an interesting idea and plan.  My guess is that I've pretty much met all the women that I need to.  I've met tons of smart, funny, pretty, and intelligent women.  Why the hell am I still searching?  In theory, I haven't screwed up with these women, so, for the most part, they should be a potential girlfriend or companion.  Why continue looking, when I can focus my efforts on what I have.

As a really bad example, let's use books.  If there are 10 good books in that you simply dust off, but never read, why go out and buy more books.  Interestingly, I have a stack of about 10 books that I need to read.  Enjoy the books that you have, and if they all suck, then find new books, so you never have to read those books again.  The only thing is that books can travel with you, and if time isn't on your side, you can put a book on the back burner.   You can't really do that with a person, which is really the reason why i am currently single (a completely different and semi-ongoing story).  What I really need is for my life to line up reasonably well with someone else's.

Now, God forbid that I should piss ALL of them off, or some get married or whatever, there is the Replacement Clause.  Basically, if if one is out, there is an open slot.  So, it's not like I won't ever meet new women.  It's just that, if things go well, I will never have to.

What's that you say?  I should have been out meeting women instead of typing this crap.  Well, yeah.  I guess.

Black 6, out.

Before I start the post, for those of you who know what happened during my day in Texas, I would like to let you know that it's all green.  A funnier way to say it would be to say that the people with the guns did not have a problem with me.

I was talking with a friend of mine, Sylvia, the other day, and she brought up this guy friend that she had.  She has known him for years.  They carpooled to work, and regularly ate lunch together.  So, I ask what I normally do when a girl talks about a guy that she spends her time with: "Is he cute?"  Then I follow it up with the question of, "Why don't you date him?"  Women regularly give the dumbest answers in this case. 

Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes I hear "He's great in small doses," or, "He's dating someone already."  Those are very good responses.  However, most of the time, I hear something like "I don't want to ruin the friendship."  Ladies, this is by far one of the dumbest answers that I normally hear.  It's especially frustrating for a guy to be on the receiving end of it.  It's like saying:

"Hey, although I love spending most of my time with you, sharing stories, and eating with you, I would rather go out and try to meet random guys to fill the void that you pretty much fill already.  I mean, yes, as soon as a guy breaks my heart, I will come running to you to talk about it.  And yes, while I am 'single' I have you participate in all the things that I would have a boyfriend do.  However, I value our friendship, but I just want someone who has the potential to provide what you do, so long as it is not you."

Even worse is the fact that you go out with guys that possess nowhere near the qualities of the guy you are friends with, but you would rather shut him down than give it a chance.  That drives us nuts.  Let me put is this way:  If your only reason for not dating a guy is so that you do not ruin the friendship, and the friendship has been more than 3 years, during which you do things that you would have a boyfriend do, you have no reason to turn him down.

Black 6, out.

Don't tell anyone.  So I was talking to this guy the other day, and he mentioned that he had applied to the CIA.  The only problem that he had with it was that everything was really weird.  He would receive calls at weird hours.  One night, he got a call at 2300, and apparently the conversation went like this:

Voice over the phone: Have you told anyone that you are applying with the CIA?
Guy: Just my parents.
Voice over the phone: We would appreciate it if you told no one else about this.

He probably should not have told us about that phone call.

Also, all of the documents and stuff that he received from them had no return address.  At least other organizations have the decency to lie, or put a less well known name on the envelope (as far as i know).  I'm surprised that they let his normal mail person deliver the items to begin with.  Or did they?

Anyway, if you ever apply to the CIA, don't tell anyone.

Black 6, out.

A few of you who know me will know what this relates to.  For the rest of you, I signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement, so I'm not going to broadcast anything here.  However, I will make teh story seem as exciting and clandestine as possible.

Ok, so without going into too much detail, let me describe the other day.  After working from 2300 to 0800, I got home, jumped in the car, and drove to the Philadelphia International Airport.  I was running behind and I swear tat airport security is slow as hell.  I'm pretty sure that even though security procedures have been increased, security personnel has not.  Anyway, I got to my gate just in time...

To go and get some food for the flight before I had to board.  I mean, I was looking at the line of people getting on the plane as I got my baked ziti and chicken parmesan.  I swear to God that the girl behind the counter was slowest worker ever.  I mean, she works in an airport.  She should realize that people are always hurrying.

As I'm standing in line, I run into a few of the other people who are traveling for the same reason.  On the other end of the flight, we would eventually grow to a group of 8.  As soon as the plane door closed, a baby started crying.  The good news is that it stopped after about 30 seconds.  The bad news is that a woman two seats over pretty much talked the WHOLE flight.  Fortunately, I bought tactical earplugs. 

Arriving at the other end, we were shuttled to the Gaylord Texan Hotel, which is HUGE.  The rooms were great, and the staff was wonderful.  Everyone was extremely nice, which almost made me like Texas and/or Texans.  Some of us in the group decided to grab some dinner in an hour (which would be 1730), and dispersed to our rooms. 

I get to my room at 1630, unpack, set the alarm clock for 0600 the next day, put in for two wake-up calls (one for wake-up, and one for leaving the room), set up my computer, move the soap and shampoo to the the bath tub (they were on the sink), and prepare all of of my toiletries and underwear for the next morning.

It is now 1640, and I am bored.  I somehow killed the next 50 minutes, had a great dinner, shared stories with other people there, and then returned to my room.  By that time, aside from a short nap on the plane, I had been awake for about 26 hours.

The next morning, I woke up at 0440, over an hour before my alarm clocks, and I was unable to get back to sleep.  I got up, dressed, read news stories online, and was out of the room by 0545.  The breakfast buffet was $18, however, I it was really good, and at least I had time to enjoy it and read the newspaper.   I then went to the thing that I was there for at 0845, and was done by 1130. 

Another shuttle back to the airport (yes, in one day, out the next), and back to the airport.  Security was considerably faster this time, and the plane ride was definitely quieter.  I check no bags, so i was able to leave the airport immediately.  I drove home though Philadelphia rush-hour traffic, and eventually got home at 2030.  However, I had to be at work at 2200, so I didn't dare fall asleep.  Worked until 0800, and finally got home. 

When I got home, I took care of a few things, made breakfast and went to bed at around noon.  I didn't wake up until 2330.  So, I must have been exhausted.  However, I felt good about what happened while I was there, so now I just have to wait two weeks to find out if it all pays off.

Black 6, out.