Just about everywhere you shop, stores are giving you these little discount tags that you can place on your key chain, so that they can track your purchases and send you discounts relating to what you buy.  Some of you may avoid this, believing that they have some type of conspiracy to track the fact that you are black AND buy a lot of chicken, or that you like Disney movies, but have no children.  As if they have the resources and manpower to do this, or the fact that the couldn't track you when you actually bought the thing, probably with your credit card.

I only have a few, mostly because I don't want to have to get a separate key chain for them, but Borders was one that stood out to me.  I mean, unlike Barnes and Nobel, it was free, and they sent you emails that you could conveniently print out for discounts when you went to the store.  Furthermore, when you bought something, your receipt also included a coupon, which normally had to be used the following weekend.

For the short time that I was in NYC, this was great, because, unlike Amazon.com, Borders gave me instant books.  Walk in, buy book, read book.  It seemed like a really good thing, until I realized a level of psychological mastery which they were using over the customer, and the fact that their program was not exactly what you thought that it was.

First, let's tackle the perceived urgency.  The coupons that they give you are very short term.  The receipt ones are good for 2 days on the following weekend, and their emails are usually for two days after you get the email.  In most cases, it's the day you get the email, and the next day.  All of a sudden, you have 40% off, but only for a REALLY short time.  No one wants to throw away 40% off, right?  Especially if your wish list is 300+ items long.  So you run to Borders and satisfy yourself.

Now, here's the second trick, the savings is off of the list price.  Where this comes into play is that if you walk into Borders, just about everything is on sale.  Almost every DVD can be purchased for 20% off.  However, you have a 30% off coupon, and figure that you can get 30% off of the post-20% price, which comes to 44% off total (do the math).  However, what happens is that your coupon negates the original 20% and then removes the 30%, so you only get an additional 10% off of the list price.  This is generally only enough to bring the price down near to Amazon.com, at best.  At least with B&N, you paid a price per year, but all your savings were ADDITIONAL.

I wrote this post because I was thinking of using a coupon at Borders, but there are very few items that would win over the Amazon.com price, and there are instances where the Amazon price was better anyway.  Even in the cases where Borders would win, it's not worth the price comparison effort, or the gas needed to drive there, or the time and effort needed to actually find the book and get it off of the shelf.

Black 6, out.

So, I just finished reading "The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous & Broke" by Suze Orman.  I was originally pointed toward her writings by a soldier of mine a few years ago, but this is the first of her books that I have read.  Now, I'm not broke, but I'm young, and definitely fabulous, so this book is only somewhat geared toward me.  I would recommend to just about anyone, because, even if you can't use the advice right now, you may need it later, or you can pass the info off to someone else.

The book covers topics ranging from your credit score and how to correct it, to why you should finance a car, rather than lease it, to marriage finances, buying a house, and why you should have a trust, rather than a will.  What's best is that she covers it in very easy to follow terms, in a book that is a very quick read.  She also tells you why the other actions would be a bad idea, and spells it out for you with basic math examples.  I guess that's not spelling.  Well, she maths it out for you.  On another note, she highlights various important words, and has a glossary at the back.  However, if you are colorblind to green, you will miss out on a lot of the color scheme, which is to say ALL of the color scheme, with blue being the only other color really being used.

One piece of advice that I'm looking to undertake is making sure that I save for my retirement before looking at stuff for my (currently nonexistent) children.  I think I talked about this a few years back, but the idea of starting a 529 plan seemed stupid to pass up.  Also, doing the math, I figured that if I put $250 away a month, didn't have a child for 2 years, and only earned 6% interest on the money, I would have half of what would be necessary to pay for Columbia University (chosen only because it's on the upper end of the expense list).  I figure that my currently nonexistent wife can come up with the other half.  Well, anyway, I recently reached what would be 15 months worth, and the way I (and medical science) figure it, the kid will take at least 9 months from start to finish, so I can just restart it when I get married, and be right on track.  Technically, I'll be ahead since money is currently earning interest. 

The other book that I finished is the graphic novel for "I Am Legend", which is not like the movie at all.  The original was technically a vampire story, however, the disease was the cause of it.  Even the ending is drastically different than in the original.  I would recommend it, as it fleshes out a lot.  The same goes for the graphic novel for "V for Vendetta".

Black 6, out.

This entry deals with an adult topic, and yet remains juvenile at the same time.  Go figure.

Speaking to one of my friends (who will remain nameless) a few days ago, an interesting conversation arose about her boyfriend.  They are pretty open about talking about their past.  Anyway, at some point, the conversation came up about before he was with her, and apparently, on a night out, he got stuck with this one girl.  Now, he's a boob man.  When asked what happened, you can all guess what he decided to play with.  However, when she said, "so,you made out with her and then did that?" he said that he didn't even kiss her or anything.

The guy went straight to second base!!  What's worse is that it worked!!!  I mean, imagine if you were watching a baseball game, and when someone hit the ball, they ran straight to second.  Like, over the pitcher's mound and stuff.  Like the pitcher screamed "Oh, shit!" and jumped out of the way.  And then imagine that the umpire said that he was safe. 

That's like getting the "Pass Go, collect $200" card from the community chest in Monopoly.

There are men who have different skills.  Some guys are "breakers" meaning that they are good at going into a group of women, and having them all accept him.  Some are wingmen, which means that they help their buddy out well.  There are a whole bunch of skills out there, but I have never heard of a "straight to second" guy.

Black 6, out.

The whole credit info thing has made some headway.  The other day, I was talking with my buddy Arcenis on the matter, and having worked in a bank, he had A LOT of insight on how the system worked, and juts how screwed up it is.  Some of the stuff was pretty straight forward, but a good chunk surprised me.  If you've got a myspace, bother him to go and write a post.  Also, if you know of any openings in the financial world that pay well, he may be interested.  Anyway, on to the real post.

I subscribe to a lot of magazines.  Men's Health, Men's Fitness, EGM, Handguns, etc.  There are only a few instances in which I have let a subscription sunset, especially since, due to me jumping on deals like "$20 for 36 issues," I have subscriptions that do not expire until 2011.  Men's Journal was one of those.  It was as though a lot of the stuff was targeted WAY out of the range of what I was able to do.  I didn't need to hear about $5,000 watches from a $5 magazine.  And there were all these places that they went to that I wasn't about to move to any time in the foreseeable future.

Another magazine that I let cancel was the Wilson Quarterly (WQ), which, as its name states, is published 4 times a year.  I originally subscribed to it after receiving a mailing for it (probably because I subscribed to Discover Magazine or Popular Science).  My problem with the magazine was simple: it was too smart for me. 

Those of you who know me would say that I'm a smart guy.  I pick up concepts quickly, I can hold wonderful discussions, and many would consider this blog at least moderately well written, with only the occasional typo (if I were getting paid for this, I'd hire an editor, or at least proofread more).

What tipped me off that I may have been in way over my head was the first issue.  I had started reading what I thought was an interesting article.  It was written by a guy with his PhD, and was talking about something that had been written in the previous issue, and I believe that he mentioned something about the studies he was currently doing.  It was about a page, maybe a page and a half long, and very well written.  However, this was only the "Letters to the Editor" section.  In the other magazines I read, the "Letters to the Editor" generally consist of comments like "Dude, I liked the article about [workout plan or celebrity name] when last month. it was awesome," (Men's Health).  Yeah, the people that wrote in to comment in WQ were way above my level.

Here's a link to an article on global warming.  Now, I'm pretty sure that you can follow it. Here are two quotes: "The inherent unknowability
of what would happen if we tried to tinker with the immensely complex
planetary climate system is one reason why climate engineering has until
recently been spoken of only sotto voce in the scientific community,"  and "As the sole historian at the NASA conference, I may
have been alone in my appreciation of the irony that we were meeting on the
site of an old U.S. Navy airfield literally in the shadow of the huge
hangar that once housed the ­ill-starred Navy dirigible U.S.S. Macon." 

Reading this now, I guess that's why it's published quarterly.  Look at the length of just this one article.  You need the 3 months just to get through the magazine, and actually comprehend and research what you are reading.  I normally go through 2-3 magazines an hour.  My brain was probably overloading.

If Einstein were struck by lightning, and  instantly lost half of his intelligence, would you be able to tell?  Of course not.  He was that far above us.  Well, this magazine is the Einstein of magazines for me.  If you feel like a genius reading Popular Science, maybe you should pick up a copy of the Wilson Quarterly, and take yourself down a peg.

Black 6, out.

This entry may prove educational for those of you who care about your credit score.  There's a story first, and advice and links at the end (and a discount code for something I bought).  I would also like to say that I receive no endorsement from any links that I provide, or their companies.

I have decided to put the links first so that you know they are here, incase you don't make it to the bottom.  Here are some things that you may want to go to and read up on for more info about your credit.  The first link is to a main page, and the other links are things that are also interesting:
GuardMyCreditFile.org => Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4 (About how student loan rates are calculated),
Give Me My Credit Back => Link 1
PBS Special on th Credit Card
Lifelock

A few months ago, I requested my free annual credit card report, and noticed that there were two items on there that did not belong to me in the public records section.  Long story short, they belonged to my father (same first and last name).  Now, my credit score is classified as "Excellent", but there's no reason not to shoot to get as close to 830 as i can.  So, I used Experian's simple online dispute page, and stated that it wasn't my account, that it belonged to my father, and that it needed to be removed.  I figured that would be easy.

About a day later, they tell me that they completed their investigation, and that it came back that the information was mine, and that it would remain on my report.  This is where things get difficult, and it's not like my story is a new thing (just do a search).  Once you dispute something, if the company says that they believe that the info is correct, there is no easy way to dispute it again.  For further disputing, you must provide additional evidence proving your point.  So, how do you provide paperwork that doesn't exist?

(Example)
Them: Our records say that you own a Ferrari.
Me: I don't own a Ferrari, and I have never owned one.
Them: Well, we "investigated" and we believe that you do own the Ferrari.  Do you still want to dispute this?
Me: Yes.
Them: Well, just send us a receipt that shows that you did not purchase the Ferrari, and we'll remove it. 

I decided to trace this thing backwards and figure out where the information came from.  Step one, call the court.  Well, they had the name and information that the credit report company had, but not my Social Security Number (SSN).  Also, they apparently could not fix anything, and I would have to contact the company that originally reported the issue. 

Contacting them was easy (a little Google work for a phone number), but here's where things get tricky.  I stated my situation and the fact that I never had an account with the company.  They asked me for my SSN, which they verified that they never had on file.  Then they asked for the name that I believed that it belonged to.  That came up, info they had was exactly what I thought it was.  The company did a little investigating, and verified that the info was not mine.  So I tell them that they need to fix it.  They assure me that they will.  A month later, nothing has been fixed, so I call the person I spoke to, and let her know this.  She seems surprised that this is the case, and assured me that she will look into it.  She also still had the documentation that I had sent her.

Jump forward a bit and I find that it is not fixed.  In the meantime, I was transitioning into a new job, and didn't have the time to put into getting this fixed.  Needless to say, I have time now, so let the harassment begin.  Hours of calls later, and I'm only beginning to make headway. 

If you do some reading on the internet, you will find that many people have run into the same problem.  I'm not even talking about people who actually defaulted on payments and simply have to bite down.  I'm talking about people with erroneous information on their reports, who want simple corrections.  Now, when it comes to your credit score, you  have three options: Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax.  By law, you are authorized on free credit report a year, and most people get that from Experian, which i believe is the largest company.  One thing to note is that although they keep information on hand and such, and as big as they are, I find they do basically nothing to fix problems.  You basically do everything yourself. 

Lastly, although I was never really concerned with it in the past, I signed up for Identity protection with Lifelock.  Hell, I had even received things from the Army, telling me that a database containing my information had been compromised, and I still didn't care.  It was the hassle of trying to fix crap that finally broke me down.  Lifelock is the company that has the commercial with the CEO who has put his SSN on the side of a truck, because he is so sure of his company.  In fact, it's also on the website.  That's pretty ballsy.  That's right up there with someone telling the world that their computer is unhackable.  A lot of people will take up the challenge, like this reporter did.  Amazingly, it works.

It's not a bad deal.  For $10 a month, or $110 a year, they will provide security for your credit.  First off, The call the credit score companies and put a fraud alert on your account, and check to make sure that it is still active every three months.  Second, they have your name taking off pre-approved credit card mailing lists (which the companies were giving your name to, because that's how they make money.  Also, interception of these mailings is one of the big ways that ID theft happens), and renew that request when it expires.  They also order your credit card score from all three companies for you.  Also, if your address information was incorrect with any of them (which mine is with one of the companies), they fix that when they go to put the fraud protection on.  Also, guarantee you up to $1 million, which means that if your identity is stolen, your are covered for legal fees and damages.  There are a couple of other things they do for you, but those were the major ones.

If you go to sign up, you can use the promotion code "Denise", and it will only be $88 a year.  Now, here's what really sealed me on the company.  I went to sign up online, and entered in my credit info.  When I clicked to enter it, it denied me, saying that the zip code for my billing address that I entered did not match the one on my account bank account.  I thought that this was a mistake, since I had changed my address with my bank (USAA, which is an excellent bank) in October, and have done a lot of online shopping since then.  So I went to my bank's website, and checked my mailing address, and it was correct.  However, my address on the specific account had not changed.  This means that for the past 2 month, merchants JUST ACCEPTED THE INFO, even though it technically wasn't correct.  I'm the type that checks my account almost daily, so I would know it a dollar were missing, but that was scary.

Black 6, out.

First, I would like to throw out a link to DriveImage XML, which is a nice little way to image your drive, which means to make a backup of your drive exactly the way it is.  This is great for when you have everything installed, and want the ability to go back to square one later on.  This should not be confused with making regular backups of your data.

As I mentioned, in my "Christmas Report" entry, I recently had a hard drive crash and basically lost all of my data.  This unfortunate turn of events essentially sped up a process that I call "The Purge".  In simple terms, it's the point where I start simplifying my life by removing people from it.  I think this one is either the third or fourth large scale one.  There are individual ones here and there.  Large ones usually require a life-altering event, however, losing everyone's contact info seems to cause the same thing.

A few examples of a normal purge would be "Well, I never talk to this person, so I can remove them from Myspace," "This person never calls, so I won't be getting them anything for their birthday of Christmas," (Christmas, alone, I saved about $200 in gifts.), and "I'll keep this person's info, but I'm never calling them again, because I'm making all the effort here."  

People at West Point experience that last one a lot.  Your friends never call you, and the one time a month or every two weeks that you have to call them, they are too busy take a few minutes to talk.  Not just "right now" but every time you call them.  I experienced this from time to time when I was in Italy and Afghanistan.

Me: Hey, how's it going?
They: Oh, hi.  Things are good.  Hey, I'm getting ready to go to the mall, so can you call back another time.  (That's great when you have a 6 or 9 hour time difference, so you stayed up until midnight so you could call them at a reasonable hour.  They may also ask if they can call you back, which never happens).
Me: Yeah, sure (You pompous fucking prick, the mall can't wait 10 fucking minutes?!).

Hell, I was friends with someone for the past 12 years, and I even went to their wedding earlier this year, but I realize that I was the only person really staying in touch.  In fact, I didn't even know that they were engaged, until I decided to give them a call after not hearing from them for a few months. 

I'm not even upset about the one-way gifting.  Everyone has different financial situations, and I really want you to read this damn book or watch this movie, so I'm sending it to you.  I think I did this to Jarrad with the movies Equilibrium and Appleseed, and Jarrad has done it to me concerning Naruto.  Holy crap, I'm hooked on Naruto.

In this case, the purge works in reverse.  I now have to go out and get the information of the people that I know.  

Black 6, out.

"My cousin and I have a black-joke thing because of this.  That's another story."

This is the "other story" that I owe you, which happened around 2006.  Actually, it started back in December of 2004, where most people had gone home for block leave during the holidays.  I stayed in Italy, since I had just gotten there and had no leave left.  Leaving the company area one day, I a soldier in my company saw me and asked "Sir, do you know how to break into a car?"

I was somewhat shocked.  Why would he, out of the blue, ask me this question.  Was it because I was from NYC, where we steal cars all day.  Maybe it was because I was black, and this was some mutant power, like Wolverine's healing ability.  I do wonder if he asked everyone that had passed.  As appalled as I could have been, I did know how to break into cars, but only because, months earlier, I had locked myself out of my car and had to call a locksmith.  I won't describe the procedure, but it is a simple procedure.  I would actually go on to use it twice in Afghanistan. 

Skip ahead to 2006, and I am in the car with my cousin, and his fiancé (now his wife), driving up to visit my aunt (his mom).  Now, he works for the Department of Corrections, and is a guard at Riker's Island, just so you don't get the wrong idea about him.  Along the way, I tell him the story, and he makes this suggestion:

"You should have told him that you needed a wire hanger, a bucket of fried chicken, a piece of watermelon, and a black glove.  The you should have eaten the chicken and the watermelon, put the glove on, wrapped the hanger around your hand, and punched in the window.  Then, when he asked why you needed the the chicken and the watermelon, you should have said, 'I needed to get my blackness up.'"

We laughed for the next hour or so, just at this.  Much of the laughter was caused without saying another word.  In fact, at one point, we stopped for gas, and while we were standing outside of the car, we happened to look at the driver's window, and started laughing again.  His wife-to-be (also black) did not understand how we derived do much humor from this statement.  She just did not see how it was funny.

Maybe she needed some fried chicken.

Black 6, out.

My Christmas wasn't really eventful.  It's nothing
like my last entry, and if you want something short and funny, I
suggest you check out Jarrad's
entry for his Christmas in Japan.  I've added a
comment, which at least I think is funny.  I meant to write
another entry, but I had a hard drive crash on me, and after a night of
crying, I had to bite down and buy a new laptop.  I was
already planning to do this, but not until February, mostly because I
hated my old laptop, and the problems that it gave me.  Also,
I hsd just finished my Christmas Shopping, so this was a painful
expense, In any case, the new one is a small HP with a touch screen,
which has made me too lazy to use a mouse or the touch pad.  I
mean, why move the mouse ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SCREEN, when I can
instantly touch it into place.  Also, I log in to websites
with my fingerprint.

First off, I did just
about all of my Christmas shopping online, which means that I did not
have to fight with the swarming masses who were all looking to save
their money by spending it.  It's as though everyone forgets
that this happens every 12 months, until the news tells them about
other people who were trampled at Best Buy.  Normally you
could not pay me to go to a store to buy something during the week
before Christmas.  Even if it was something that I actually
needed.

However, my aunt had some shopping to finish,
ON CHRISTMAS EVE, and invited me along.  I actually decided to
go, mostly due to morbid curiosity.  I wanted to see the
fighting and desperation.  I wanted to watch two women fight
for the last of an item that they believed would secure them the
undying love of their child.  I wanted to, without need,
instigation situations, and maybe get in a shove or two.  
Maybe I should sign up for Blackwater.

Unfortunately,
shopping
was not as hectic as I anticipated, with things being
somewhat crowded, but generally civil.  All I could do to
amuse myself was make witty remarks to my aunt as she shopped for her
dad's gift to her mom, and ensure that those in earshot would hear it,
making their laughter a qualifier for my
statement.

Before I forget, I took Tigger home
with me.  I arrive home before my mom returns, and get a call
from her:

Mom: So, where are you?
Me: I'm at
home.
Mom: When are you coming to visit?
Me: I'm
already here.  I'm at "home" home.
Mom: Oh, did you
bring Tigger with you?
Me: Yeah, he's here.
Mom: Oh,
good. (And then she hangs up).

So, my cat gets higher
billing than I do.  To make matters worse, she comes home, the
first one she says "Hi" to is Tigger.

Black
6, out.

This weekend was a pretty interesting one, involving traveling, brownies, an old lady, and handcuffs.  Yeah, if you can read that and NOT want to read the rest of the post, I applaud your self-control.

As I was driving to work on Friday, I got a voice mail from Tiffany.  She called to let me know that she would be moving to Alaska very, very soon (less than a week), and wanted to know is I could come down to visit.  Basically, she's going to be going back to school.  I hadn't seen Tiffany since she left Italy (and the Army) in April, so I decided that a Saturday morning drive would be worth it.  Also, we would be going out because it was the birthday of a friend of hers.

When I arrive down there, Tiffany was very happy to see me, so there were plenty of hugs.  She was in the middle of helping her sister move from their old apartment to a new one, so we would only be spending a few minutes there.  However, she said that she had something for me, and handed me something wrapped in a paper towel.  When I opened it, it was a brownie.

Me: "Cool, brownies."  ( I was truly happy, because brownies are generally tasty.)
Her: "You do know what's in those, right?"
Me: "Ohhh (very sadly).  These are special brownies, aren't they?" (VERY thankful I hadn't taken a bite.)
Her: "Yes"
Me: "Yeah.  I can't eat these."

Now there are many reasons that I wouldn't eat them, and it's not just because I'm applying to the FBI, but because I don't experiment at all.  I'm not straight edge or anything, because I will partake of alcohol, but I just have no interest in trying certain things.  Also, for those of you who are naive, "special brownies" have weed in them.  You may want to watch the movies Half-Baked, and Euro Trip.

Apparently, I have walked into the middle of a situation where these brownies were part of a large party.  Tiffany's sister (TS) had made three trays of the stuff using a recipe found on the internet.  A funny thing happened when she made them.  To ensure that she made them correctly, she made one batch and tried some before making the other batches.  Now, weed makes you hungry.  There was no other food around, except the brownies.  This began a vicious, two-day cycle of eat brownies, get munchies, eat brownies to get rid of munchies....   Driving over to the other apartment, I meet the sister, and later, Tanya, whom I will classify as cute, and wears glasses, and Jeff, who was with TS.  I don't have a number, but when I have pics, I could put in good words for people where they are warranted. 

The afternoon was generally uneventful, we mostly sat around and talked and stuff (and I avoided brownies) until later that evening.  Once we got closer to party time, Tiffany and I drove over to her bf's (Kevin) place to get him, his brother, and another friend (a marine).  I was basically evaluating the bf, and he seemed like a pretty cool guy.  Interestingly enough, when I got there, he was working on ordering a 61" television set.  I was mysteriously drawn toward that activity.  He was down to earth, and ran pretty much the same line as I did with drug avoidance and such, so that earned him major brownie points.  I only use that pun, because I used  it (no pun intended at the time) when I was talking to him.

I decide to take my own car (because I can always trust me), and we head to a bar.  The bar would later become packed, due to the Maywheather fight, which looked like 10 rounds of hugging.  Tiffany's bf didn't really like to dance, and since Tiffany was one of my clubbing buddies, I stepped up to the plate.  While we were dancing, there was an older woman dancing near us, and Tiffany, being as friendly as she is, decided to chat with her.  The woman's name was Anita, she was 62, and her son had brought her out to the bar (what a son).  An unfortunate reoccurring theme of the night would be that as Anita got drunker, she would hit on me.  This was DEFINITELY not funny to me.  I'm talking "coming up behind me and grabbing me" not funny.

At one point during the night, Anita's son's group got food, and she invited Tiffany to have some.  Tiffany brought some back for her and a few of us.  What I didn't know is that some type of deal was struck for this.  I'm not sure of the exact details or working, but the basic idea was that the cost of the chicken would be a kiss from Tiffany's bf.  Here's why this is funny.  Tiffany has been dancing with me the whole night, so I'm willing to bet that Anita thought that I was the bf.  Now, Kevin begrudgingly goes over to finish the deal, which apparently, now neither of them wanted to do (I assume that Anita thought this was a bait-and-switch).  In the end, Kevin basically got whored out for fried chicken.

Fast forward a bit, and TS and the guy she was with decided to leave, because they are partied out.  Meanwhile, Anita has not stopped the occasional walk-by groping, which I am working very hard to avoid.  Tiffany is not helping the situation, and I'm sure Anita is getting a kick out of making me squirm.  I am also pretty sure that this woman was trying to maneuver in to kiss me.  Thank god Tanya was there to save me.  I owe her HUGE.  Now, Tanya decided to leave, and I decide that his may be a good idea, too, so I say that I'll follow her back to the apartment.  She also has to drop the Marine off at home, so she takes me there, goes to drop him off, and returns.  The story gets really interesting in the middle there.

When we get to the apartment, Tanya tells me that I can sleep downstairs, and goes to get me a pillow and blanket.  When she comes back down she says, "apparently, I'll be sleeping down here also, since TS is sleeping in my bed with the guy!"  She tells me which pillow is mine (the blue one), and proceeds to take the Marine back to his place.

About half an hour later, TS comes downstairs, and the following occurs:

TS: "Tanya?"
Me: "No, it's just me, what's up?"  ( I roll over to find that she is standing there wrapped in just a sheet.)
TS: "Where's Tanya?"  (Probably assuming that she would be down there since her bed was occupied.)
Me: "She went to take [the marine] home.  She should be back in a bit."
TS: (There's a bit of a pause as she stands there.) "Do you have a handcuff key?  I need to get this off."
Me: "No.  What... Um..." (Staring at the handcuff on her left wrist).
TS: "Do you know how to pick handcuffs?"

I don't know why people keep asking me if I know how do do questionable things.  When I was in Italy, one of soldiers in company had locked himself out of his car.  When he saw me, he asked me if I knew how to break into a car.  Granted, I did, as I had locked myself out of my car once, and watched the locksmith do it, picking up with some Sharingan-like ability.  However, it's the principle of just assuming stuff like that.  My cousin and I have a black-joke thing because of this.  That's another story.

I had never picked a pair of handcuffs, but I understood how they worked, in principle.  Also, I had the other handcuff, which wasn't attached to anything, to look at if I needed a reference.  Also, these were like the $12 handcuffs that you would get at a fair.  Apparently, they had been on the floor to Tanya's room (I bet you all want references now), and it wasn't until the first cuff was on that someone realized that no key existed, which was good, because then TS would have been "handcuffed to the radiator all night" (her words, but I didn't need to know that).

In the meantime, she is seated next to me, wearing nothing but a sheet, while I work the lock with a small piece of metal that I found, and tell her to hold still.  She then gets up and walks away:

Me: "Where are you going?"
TS: "I need to pee."

When she comes back, she is fully clothed.  Apparently she was too modest to sit next to a guy, while wearing nothing but a sheet.  However, exposing a guy, whom you first met earlier that day, to your handcuff dilemma was perfectly fine.  As I'm working the handcuffs (this takes about 10 seconds), TS states that police would have a key.  And then moans about having to go to the station in the morning to have them take it off.  I should have stopped right there, just at the prospect of seeing the cop's face.  Instead, I removed the handcuffs, and she went back to bed.  When Tanya returned, I advised her about leaving her handcuffs lying around.  She should also get fuzzy ones. 

And then I went to sleep.  Thank God.

Black 6, out.

If you read down far enough, there is video.

This past Saturday, my company sponsored a trip to NYC for the Salaried employees.  Now, I had just been there for the past two weekends, but the chance to not have to drive was too good to pass up.  I had originally hoped to go to Philly, but a friend of mine wouldn't ANSWER HER PHONE, so it's a good thing I had the backup.  Ironically, she's the same person that keeps bugging me to come down and visit.  The trip was also supposed to include tickets to see "Hair Spray". but that was canceled, due to the strike.

That morning, we loaded up two buses, and headed to the city.  I took the time to break out the Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass for the Nintendo DS, which I am finding to be a fun game, with interesting controls.  Meanwhile, the husband of one of my coworkers was across the aisle trying to show his wife how to play a game on a PSP that she had purchased for him.  Behind me, was another coworker, who unfortunately did not have a game system, causing him to awe at us, and forcing me to tell his wife (also a coworker, and my "buddy", as in the person assigned to me to help me integrate into the area and company) that she was a bad spouse.

Some gaming and a short nap later, and we arrived in NYC and broke into groups.  I hung out with Joe (one of the few people younger than me, and also a cat owner), Shayla, and Brooke (whom I will eventually be working with when I swap to third shift), and we went to grab breakfast.  Afterward, we walked from 49th Street to 34th Street (they refused to take the subway), and somehow got sucked into Macy's During it's one day sale.

Some people may wonder what makes this store special, as there are Macy's everywhere.  Well, this one is made up of about 2 million square feet of shopping floor, and spans an entire NYC block.  It's at least 7 floors, with 8 places to get food inside (including a McDonald's and a Starbucks), and yet the men's department takes up maybe half of the first floor.  The rest is for women, with one floor for kids, showing that men don't like to hassle when they shop.

Brook and Shayla managed to drag Joe and I in there for 2 hours.  Fortunately, there were places to sit, so we were able to people-watch and make jokes.  We can't figure out why women wear skirts in the middle of winter, when it became fashionable to have boots that look like two shaggy dogs, and we believe that girls under 18 should have to wear something that identifies them as such.  Furthermore, some of the mannequins has less plastic than some of the ladies.  At one point, Joe asked Brooke what type of boot she was looking for.  "I don't know," was her response.

This leads to the fundamental difference between men and  women.  Women just go in and grab crap.  No idea what they want, and designers have made all levels of stuff with logos, designed to show off how much money you spent.  Meanwhile, a guy goes into a store and knows he has three choices: black, dark brown, and light brown.  Furthermore, most could not tell you who made their shoes, and they couldn't be bothered to take them off and look.  If the store didn't have that brand, he's not leaving, anyway.  I just look at what I have, know that I like the style, and decide that I want a pair just like it.

After the torture was complete, we walked back up to 42nd Street, where I took them into the Toys R Us store, so that I could show them the Alphabet Pals Caterpillar.  It's a toy that has 26 legs, each with a letter, and has a mode where it will pronounce the letter sound,  meaning that you can make it say stuff.  So, if you press "D-A-D" it will say "duh-ah-duh", which done quickly sounds like dad.  Now, if you do what I do and press "D-I-K" you get "Duh-i-tee hee hee, that tickles."  Yes, the toy is censored, and trust me, we tried a couple of things.  I also learned that Joe has this thing where if he sees something that says "Try Me", he has too, and he will set an entire display in motion at lightning speed.

From there, we went over to the Naked Cowboy, on Times Square.  Yeah, the guy has a Wikipedia entry, as well as a website.  He's also recording an album, and he has sponsorship.  Later, I would joke that our company should sponsor him, also.  There are 4 videos, but before I get to that, here's what we figure.  If people only gave him a dollar, and he can do at least a picture a minute, this guy is pulling $60 an hour, basically tax free.  And all he has to do is stand there, and stay in shape.  Ok, now videos.  Brooke is the girl in the last one, and Joe is the guy in the white hat that I pan over to.  Here are the videos:

We grabbed lunch and Dave & Busters, and a phone call would reveal that some of our coworkers had already started drinking by at least 2 PM.  Most of us had a drink with lunch, but the other groups were having drinks with their drinks.  After this, I split from my group to help a friend of mine look for a computer.  I would return to the company trip later at a restaurant, where we would be having drinks, followed by dinner.

I get back about 30 minutes into the cocktails, and find that a number of people have really been hitting it.  Ironically, one of them was our safety guys.  However, although his actions ding thee night may have been unny, they were never unsafe.  Dinner went well, and aside from getting roped into the occasional drunk conversation, things went well.  We then had to herd everyone back to the bus, with obvious hilarity. 

While we were shopping in NYC, someone had decided to pick up a bootleg of "Fred Claus" and although that played, I decided to spread out on two chairs and sleep.

I was woken up by Brooke hitting me (I think on the ass) when we got to the parking lot.  Only to see that it was snowing.  I expect to see this a lot while I am in PA.

Black 6, out.