October 8, 2009

• That game that guys have to play with women

  There is an old men’s game, whose copyright ran out a looooong time ago.  Because of this, there are a number of knock-offs, and although there are many names, the rules are the exact same.  It is typically played with women, although they don’t like to adhere to the rules.  Some of the names include:

  1. My exact words were…
  2. Technically, what I said was…
  3. And I quote…
  4. The words that actually came out of my mouth
  5. That is not what I said.  (This is the worst name for the game.)

  The game is so simple, that the majority of the rules are implied by the name of the game itself.  I say this because I anticipate a particular conversation coming up with someone where I will say something, and they will reply with a response that implies that I said something else.

  For example, I just saw Zombieland.  During the movie, the main character has a number of rules that he follows.  Rule #1 is “Cardio”, which comes from the fact that when the zombie apocalypse occurs, the first people to go will be the fatties, since they will be unable to outrun the zombies.

  Here is how the convo will go when I get to this part.
  Me: Yeah, so rule number one was cardio, since the first people to go were fat people.
  Them: Are you saying that I would be one of the first to go? (or some variation of this.)

  Notice how none of their responses are anything like the words that came out of my mouth.  Techincally, their statement also implies that you are calling them a fattie.  For my words to match what they are saying, the words that came out of my mouth would have to end with “like you.”

  Amazingly, men put up with this crap all the time.  And what’s worse, is that WE end up backpedling and appologizing for crap that we never actually said.  (That’s also why name #5 was bad.  As soon as you say that, is seems defensive, rather than correcting.)

  Screw that!

  From now on, whenever you find yourself in a situation like this, rather than run, say “Hold on.  Let’s play the ‘Exact Words That Came Out of My Mouth’ game,” and cut that crap off early.

  • 5:58 am
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