February 2, 2007

• If I were at home, I would put on Groundhog Day, and let Bill Murray deliver the laughs.  Instead, I am at Graf.  So, with V-day approaching, I have decided to put together a small set of guidelines to help the helpless not screw up Valentine's Day.  Please feel free to leave comments of suggestions for improvement.  Actually, I demand it!

  1. If you have not already made reservations for V-day, you are just about screwed.  This was something that you should have done immediately following New Year's Day.  At least if you make it today, you are better off that the COMPLETE idiots who will be trying the day before, or the day of.
  2. If any major sporting event happens to fall on that day, tape it.  Do not attempt to watch it.  A few years ago, the NBA all-star game was on V-Day (Why would they do that?), and my then-girlfriend told me about how he chose to watch it, rather than go out (Why would he do that, and why must I suffer).
  3. Even if you currently have no one to go out with, make some plan, and make the reservations.  It's easier to have them and cancel, than to try to make them at the last minute.  Do not let on that you made the plans as a contingency.  Instead say that you know some people who owed you a favor.
  4. Avoid burger joints.  You would think that would be obvious.  Also, it is generally a good idea to avoid places that accept coupons.  If you do go to one of those places, don't use a coupon.  The only exception to this rule is during a day date of some type, and can be used for something like an ice cream shop where the coupon gets you some special desert or something that would not be obtainable without the coupon.
  5. If you are still young (like 16), and circumstance have prevented you from obtaining funds, ask for money, and just tell your parents that you will pay them back in the future.  Don not mention the idea of future grandchildren, because they'll only think of 9 months in the future.
  6. Turn off cell phone, Blackberries, and such, unless you can anticipate reasons that it would ring that would be important.  In that case, set it to vibrate, and place it in your back-pocket (or another pocket) where you can feel it.
  7. Whatever plans you have, ensure that you inform your date of the proper way to dress.  If casual is the way to go, she'll give you hell if you don't tell her, and she wears an evening gown.  The same goes vice versa.
  8. If you're a guy, and you have a date, but it's not a serious relationship, you are still required to treat.  She might even suggest going dutch, but THAT's A TRAP.  Don't fall for it.  Just bite the bullet and pay for stuff, and let her feel special.  I also suggest bringing a credit card.  It's a lot easier to manage than cash.
  9. Pull the chair out for her.
  10. You're stupid if you're not opening doors.  Also, at least act like you have manners.  There are plenty of books that can help you.  You don't need to worry about the section of wedding seating.  Just focus on the idea that you work from the outside to the inside when it comes to forks and knives. 
  11. When the check comes, do not wince when you see the price.  Simply look at it, close the stick your card (or the cash) in the booklet and close it.  If she asks how much it was, just blandly say "Eh, don't worry about it."  You can cry later, in private.
  12. Flowers are nice, but don't simply go with red if it isn't warranted.  Remember, colors have meanings.  I will post them tomorrow.  Your best bet, if you have no idea where a nearby flower shop is, you may try having an online flower delivery company deliver the flowers to her the morning of.  If you want to give them on the date, you can have it delivered to you the day before, or the day of.  Place them in the fridge.  Not next to the cheese.  Especially if it used to be the milk.
  13. Alternative ideas are always good.  It doesn't have to rest solely on a dinner date.  An afternoon stroll through a park, followed by a slightly early dinner, and finished up with a non-too-chick-flick movie may be a good plan.  If it is still playing in the area, I suggest "Stranger than Fiction", but I'm sure that there are more recent things.  Just don't pick a GUY movie, unless it has Brad Pitt or Vin Diesel in it, so she has something to look at.  For those in NYC, The Comedy Cellar may be a good late-night thing.
  14. Expect to say goodbye to around $100-$150.  $50-100 if it's early in the dating process. 
  15. First dates, keep it sweet and cheap (e.g. the stroll in the park, dinner, and a movie idea).  If you set the bar too high, you'll fall short in future attempts.  Things that require casual dress (Polo shirt, good jeans, black socks and shoes) should work.
  16. Take a small camera if you are going places that may have a chance for pictures.  Something that can easily fit in the inside pocket of your jacket. 
  17. If you're working something relatively new, trying to go all the way is a bit too much, and you're probably going to get shot down, even more so if this is within the first month, or a first date or something.  Just give a goodbye hug and be off (unless you get stopped ), thus boosting your chances for future dates.
  18. Someone just gave me a great idea, but I can't share it because if I told you all, it may sabotage me doing it in the future.  I may give the info to specific individuals, if contacted.
  19. For long term relationships, get her a gift.  If you have no ideas, Red Envelope may be  good place to look.  Gifts for this day work differently than birthdays and Christmas, due to the nature of the day.  It should be "love" related.  For the other days, you simply have to get her something she needs or likes.  V-Day takes less skill.
  20. Women may wonder what to get their guy.  We don't really need much.  Aside from the obvious 3-letter suggestion, how about you not nag us for a day.  Maybe you could simply enjoy what we have put together for the day, and not complain.  That would be very nice.  Thank you.

  I may amend this over the next 2 weeks, just to add ideas and suggestions that I receive or think up.

  

  Black 6, out.

  • 11:04 am
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