March 31, 2008

• Support systems

  In some of my entries, I’ve brought up the point of being able to remove people from my life, and I mentioned an individual that I would be removing at some point (provided I close a few loose ends).  I think my biggest issue with the person was that, as a friend, I stood by them through some tough times, pushed them to not give up on some things which ultimately ended up better than they imagined, and always offered to be a support system for that person.  I’m not saying that I am the sole individual that helped this person, but I would consider myself as part of a group that I do not know the other members of.  I can only assume that they probably provided similar advice to what I gave (if they are reasonable).  Interestingly enough, this is almost exactly like the situation that led me to drop the last person, except that scenario was a lot longer, and this one’s reason for being dropped are a bit different.

  This entry revolves around what I refer to as support systems.  These are generally things that you use to help you deal with a number of different scenarios, whether it be other people, music, working out, etc., you turn to these things to help you cope, or give you a different perspective on things.  Working out has been my way of dealing with rage or anger (thank you to all those who angered me).  I use music to put me in the proper mindset for situations.  People are generally useful for getting a perspective from someone who is not in the middle of the situation that you are in, because it’s hard to see the entire picture from there. 

  

  If you were standing in the middle of Central Park, and that’s the only world you knew, the whole world might as well be wooded.  With random people running through it.  And cops.  On horses.  And being as the park is very large, unless you had reason and direction to explore, unless you trekked to the fringes of the park, you would not be able or need to find that the world that you are in is different from the world that you think that you are in.  The same could be said if you were in a boat the Pacific Ocean, with land just over the horizon in one direction, out of sight.  As far as you know, you might as well be in the middle of the ocean.  Unless you got lucky and traveled that way, you are just as likely to move in the wrong direction as the right one.  Maybe even more so, since there are normally a lot more wrong directions.  It’s very hard to be your own lighthouse.

  

  I think it’s hard to actually find individuals to be your support systems, and that this difficulty increases for males.  Stereotypically, a man is “supposed to” handle his problems, which I generally agree with.  Not that women shouldn’t or can’t handle theirs, it’s just that in raising, women generally seem to be more able to turn to family, specifically women in their family, when there are problems.  In fact, there are a number of issues (I’ll simply say around puberty) where that becomes the easiest and best course of action.  Men, on the other hand, generally don’t turn to others as easily. 

  

  A lot of our stuff is learned through trial and error, reading the exploits of other men, or from a handful of guys that we may hang out with.  Even in talking to other men about problems, there is a definite difference in the method and commencement of communication, the amount of information passed, and the advice received.  Information is only that which is necessary to convey the idea of the issue, they may not even look at each other for most of the conversation, and the advice given back will generally be short, semi-blunt, but realistic.

  

  Family is normally out of the question for me.  The closer the relation, the more biased that I think they generally are, so when they give advice, they customize it to you without taking into account the realities of the situation.  If you’re doing terrible in love, their advice falls around that fact that “you’ll find someone”, rather than something that actually looks at how you act or who you are, and that you may actually have to adapt so you fit in with society a little better. 

  

  The last two pieces of advice I received from family were where I could go to vote (back in 2004), and where to get my taxes done (2005).  I didn’t use the tax advice.  E-filing was easier.  On the other hand, family tends to direct people to me for advice (or tells me to call people and check up on them), probably because I’m pretty robotic when it comes to bias.  If you fucked up, I say, “you fucked up”.  And offhand, I can think of a few friends and family members that will generally call me for my opinion.  Not saying that everyone runs to me, but there are a couple that I talk to more than most.

  

  I think what prompted this entry is that the other day, someone who normally comes to me for advice, actually gave me a piece of advice that I could have used months ago.  It would have at least given me some guidance during a rough time.  Nothing against her, she just wasn’t informed of the issue back then.  Granted, this is not someone that I would normally go to for advice (or would not have been my first choice), nor was I looking for advice on this issue at this time (at least I don’t think I was), but it was in response to some things we were talking about that happened after she left Italy.  I happened to mention something, off the cuff, and her response was definitely insightful. 

  

  My only issue is that now, it’s a bit too late to do anything.

  Black 6, out.

  • 9:30 am
  • 2 Comments