March 16, 2008
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Applicants wanted
Due to recent and past dating experiences and somewhat related to my last post, I have decided to create a girlfriend application. Not like a computer application, which I could probably get from Japan, but the requirements and application for the position (snicker) of girlfriend.
About me: Single guy, 5’9″ 179 lbs. and athletic. I do not believe in segregation. I don’t even separate colors from whites when I do laundry. Likes cooking, dancing, movies, and video games (but not video games that involve dancing. Dance Dance Revolution is not real dancing). Good with computers. Generally handy. No kids. Good sense of humor. Tells jokes. Prone to witty and sarcastic commentary.
Hair color: Don’t really care. You all dye it, anyway. No one has hair that is naturally fire-engine red.
Height: Short or tall. May be taller than me, but can’t cave a problem with me being shorter.
Personality: Must have one. Can’t have more than two. “Bitch” cannot be one of them.
Physical build: I have no idea how to ID cup sizes, and there is really no pattern for what I happen to like. It’s more of a snap judgment (I know if I like what I see), so pictures will be required with application. Hell, feel free to send pictures if you are not applying. Preference may go to individuals that stay in shape, or at least have an “average” body type. If you are built like Jamie Eason (1, 2), you automatically win. If you ARE Jamie Eason, call me.
Skills:
- Must have a good group of female friends. I can not be the sole source of fun/entertainment. That waym you can go out with them, and I can chill with the guys/read/play video games. Also, not having female friends is a sign that you are eithe r crazy, or that other women just can’t stand you, probably because you are crazy/dramatic.
- Must have good conversation skills. This will be tested regularly. Staring at me and giggling is cute, but gets old after 5 minutes. It also makes me self-conscience. Also, I can only tell so many army stories.
- Must be able to cook and/or clean. I already do both for myself. I’m not looking for additional work.
- Natural aversion to drama.
- Ability to balance checkbook and be thrifty.
- Ability to say what you actually mean. Non-reliance on my mind reading capabilities is a must.
- Cuddling skills. <= Male friends are not allowed to reference this statement for use of future ridicule. Also, I am not looking for a man, so why are you still reading.
Not required, but useful:
- Likes to play video games (rather than games with my head).
Unused title: Position open for multiple positions. Flexible working conditions….
Black 6, out.
Comments (4)
NICE!
Bullet #6 is CRITICAL.
Why am I still reading?
A. A chick with minimal chick friends does not mean we’re crazy. It means I can’t put up with the bullshit that comes along with most women friends bitching and complaining about “why didnt he call!? does this shirt make me look fat!?!” wah wah wah wah… trust me, I dont wanna listen to that mess either!
B. Do you constantly have to buy new white socks since you wash them with your red shirts and they turn pink? Or do you just have a lot of tie died, used to be white, articles of clothing?
@OmnyByrd -
It’s not “minimal” female friends. It’s having no female friends (maybe I should add ability to read?). Even with the idea of not putting up with the women that you describe, it would seem a little fishy if a woman could not find ANYONE else that they could get along with.
Also, my laundry activities do not resemble hilarious sitcom situations, so all of my stuff is white. Technically, the easiest way to do this is to set the machine to “colors”. I mean, it’s not as though teh shirt decides to let its colors run just because it senses white clothing in the machine with it.
I agree with the girl above… – Hearing females with no balls whine about guys gets old really fast… I have female friends, but I have to remind them they have self esteem issues on a regular basis… Alot of women bring too much drama…
I’m not applying, but if you ever want pics let me know. I think your an awesome guy, and seem to know what you want.. (which is quite rare)- But I’m definately not the type of woman you are seeking… but I wish you the best…